A letter from Oct 25th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Im a lesbian been for over 1 year yet this **** is so confusing. Its enough to meet someone to get the whole thing tangled again, while also not meeting anyone new has the same effect. Anyways regardless of my clear ****** attraction to non men i’ve never had any romantic feelings for anyone, except the ones i forced on myself of course. A few months ago my *** was wondering if i actually have feelings for this friend or just liked the idea of it, yea i just liked the idea of being in love so i thought any love must be romantic. I hope i have this figured out in 5 years or even fall for someone. Or loose my mf v card i feel so old even tho im almost 18. Also my friends tell me i should just call myself queer and leave it but u feel the urge to put a label on myself also i am pretty sure i have several mental issues like y cant i just talk to ppl i like (platonically) y do i have to be an awkward emo *** y do i live here what am i doing here y am i feeling nothing when smth good happens im supposed to feel happiness or at least relief i wanna have that figured out so bad too unfortunately i am not a therapist and i cant study anything else except school rn i dont even have time to study spirituality for example tarot ofc im lazy too i could work out or paint but after a long day of school i just wont do anything but sit in bed all day. Im currently abt to finish bojack horseman i dont wnat to