A letter from Oct 25th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I'm so scared on the future that awaits for me. On contrary to what the people around me believes, I see myself rn as incompetent and not smart. I'm afraid that because I'm not capable enough, I might not be able to graduate, and we both know how essential educational attainment is for one to have a stable job here in the Philippines ( that is if ur not talented, exceptionally smart, skilled or a strategic person/madiskarte and I'm neither of those so). I'm in ny Grade 12 Senior High rn, the people around me knows what they already want, while I'm here still so confused and for that I can't help but to be anxious. I'm the first daughter 'the panganay' I have no rooms for failure and falls. I wanted to cry so much, but I can't. I want to lean to someone and ask if my feelings are valid, but I have no one, because I have to be the tough wall. I don't even know what course should I take. I don't really know, I don't know what path I'm taking or where is this path heading to. I'm scared, anxious, sad, exhausted, stressed and suffocated. If a day will come and I read this after 5 years, I hope I already found the thing I'm passionate about. I hope I'll be able to survive and pass through this school arc. The future me, please, be bright and brave, bright enough to know what you really want and brave enough to stand for your dreams and goals. I hope a day will come where you can see the world in a better light, a time that you can smile happily, a time when you're free from the burdens that is weighing you from the past. I hope that my soul from today will be able to find its home and peace someday in the future.