A letter from Oct 22nd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, My god, has 2021 been one long nightmare. 2007 still takes the cake as the worst year ever, but 2020 and 2021 are close. I graduated nursing school last year and have spent that time until now in one big haze of survival. I wake up, go to work, and come home to sleep. It isn't even watching people die or being powerless to stop the progression as I watch the same old process happen again and again. It isn't feeling used up and abandoned by work, or the fact that our team went from being a cohesive unit to being every man for themselves. I think it's more that I willingly chose this job, I chose to put myself out there and take care of people, and now I hate the very thought of it. Everyone keeps saying that it's burnout and that it'll get better over time; that all nurses are experiencing the same feelings right now, and I really hope that's true. For now, I'm going to focus on personal goals. Starting with writing more fanfiction (Stargate day 2021 prompt for now [yes I know the fandom is pretty much on life support, but there's talks of new series, and they say write what you want to read], maybe NaNoWriMo???) and getting in shape (20 lbs down, 60 lbs to go) and generally being more healthy (I like healthy food, why don't I eat more of it? and why is keeping to a good schedule so freaking hard???). I'm excited and absolutely terrified to see where I am in five year. Much love from the past, Me