A letter from Oct 20th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, You are currently 23 married for 4 years with two children feeling ever so lost. You’re partner who was once the love of your life is abusive and toxic and only now have you come to terms with that, sadly S you aren’t strong enough to leave yet. You are still studying to become a RN and aren’t financially stable enough to take your children to a safe haven. You have no family to fallback on, no family or friends to watch the children whilst you study or do placements whilst in university this is why you must stay to finish your degree and slowly create some sort of savings to finally leave him. I hope when you read this in however many years you are finally happy S. I pray for us and our children to make it out of this hellhole and have a life that is meaningful and full of joy. I hope one day we can wake up without having such a huge burden on our soul. I pray we survive that long, because our children deserve that S. They deserve a happy healthy mother. We got married way too young. 19!? What we’re we thinking. Still a child, blissfully unaware that someone who loved us so, could hurt us so. We grew up around violence and abuse and promised we’d find a partner different so how did this come to be? I question myself day in day out how did someone so full of live and laughter suddenly now look in the mirror and not recognise herself. How does someone who love so generously have no one who loves us back equally? Where. Did. We. Go. Wrong. For my own sanity I am writing this letter hoping in however many years to come as future us reads this letter we’ll be happy. The old S. The S who loved life and loved to laugh is the S reading this letter. Did we make it S? Did we manage to leave? Have we kept our babies safe? Will we ever find real love? So many thoughts are crashing through my mind right now. Wednesday 20th October 2021. I hope future you is sending me love and strength right now. Cause Lord knows I need it. Love yourself unconditionally remember who you were for both of our sakes. Yours sincerely past S