A letter from Oct 14th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I want you to know that I’m happy, but I’m also sad. You’re growing and I’m growing with you, but I’m not ready at this time, maybe you’ll be ready once you read this. Your life right now is in crisis mode, you’re ignoring your dad and focusing on your schoolwork the best you can. Everything you have done in your life so far has led you to read this. I’m not mad at the way you raised yourself, but I am angry at the fact that you barely ever allowed yourself to heal. You know it doesn’t take you long, so please take that time. You’re living with your mother, and the future is so scary to think about when it comes to being stable. Your fears and understandings were too much put onto you as a child, and we both know that. I hope you took your time to understand what you’re going through. I haven’t been able to, I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry that you had to suffer for so long under a roof you never wanted to be under, and I’m sorry I allowed you to ********* yourself even as a young child. Please understand that all that we’ve done to ourselves have made us stronger as people. Both our minds have been exposed to so much. You wonder where to begin with when it comes to expressing this knowledge. In the end, I know you’ll figure it out. You always do. I care so much about you, you’re my future. Even though it seems like sometimes I want to throw you away. You’re the most important thing to me most of the times. All you’ve done for me, has helped me throughout simple, and hard times. Thank you. Currently you’re not a loner, and you made a few good friends; Raven, Maycee, James, Len, and more. Remember you are worth so much more than you compare yourself to. Everything you do is perfect, and nothing can take that away from you. You suffered hard like everyone else, yet again like no one else did. You care and you are enough. No one in this world can take your golden heart and break it, no one can. I love you; I care for you. I’m trying my best right now. I know you are to.