A letter from Oct 13th, 2021

Dear Nico, At the moment I am sitting on facetime to you, and as usual your complaining (kidding ) about the fact that i am sending this in 5 years. Anyways my ADD is kicking in and I am really in my feels so i'm going to start from the start. I wanna talk about when i met you because honestly this story is cute. The first day i actually talked to you was at work which was completely unplanned. I didn't get invited to a party and the guy you were working with started yacking so you asked me to come work. I didn't even think twice about it i just headed. I knew we clicked instantly which is weird because we went to school for 4 years?????. Tom and holly started hanging out and we were kinda the ones left with each other. I never ever told you this but the time i realised i had a bit of a (you could say) thing for you, was the night of Cary's birthday party. I got you a hookup with a chick and i walked in and my heart literally sank. (**** i'm reading this back and this is so cringe but you know what idc) I don't know why but I got upset even though i got you that hookup. Anyways that was the start of months and months of rejections, fighting etc. One night, we headed to Tallebudgera, (drunk in the park of course). We danced in the rain and fell on the ground with each other, you grabbed my face and said "I think you are the prettiest girl i've ever seen". This is the most cringe **** i've ever said but i literally felt as though I was in a movie. You could honestly say thats one of my core memories. A few days later i rejected you. To this day 4 months later i don't know why i did this because i knew i wanted you to be mine but i never could admit that to myself. Don't get me wrong, what i said that day was true, i didn't want to hurt you and i didn't want to lose you. But i still knew what I wanted which was you. After that you didn't want to be around me anymore which hurt me so bad. To this day I still feel guilty about that even though i know it's not my fault. Anyways, after i realised I had feelings for you and i told you, things were amazing. I finally had someone that i could open up to. Someone that liked me for me, didn't use me, wanted me. It felt amazing to be wanted because I never really felt needed in that way. Yeah I was "needed" by my friends and my parents, but never in the way i wanted to, and not the way you did. To this day, 9 months after we met i still realise the way you look at me. It makes me feel so safe and no one has ever made me feel like that before. I think that is a reason that you have helped me through so many of my issues because you're the only one that could do that. My whole life i have always let my judgement issues get the better than me and after i met you, it changed for the better. Not completely, but i reckon you held my hand while i took the biggest step that i really didn't want to take. At the moment, only 3 months in, I have been trying so so hard to make you feel loved and appreciated which i guess is the next step. You're probably laughing now but it is so difficult for me to show this because i get this overwhelming idea that you are going to judge me, or use it against me even though this is what you keep asking for. My whole life I have put up this wall and I still can't come to terms with getting rid of that even though i've realised that that's what you do in a relationship. It really is and I am trying my best. It sounds so stupid to me because people ask "why be in a relationship if you can't love?" and i think they miss the point. I do love. I love you. And its scary because i don't know if i'm ever going to be able to show you that. Right now if the first time its ever been said outside my own head. I don't know when you are going to find out, it could be a week from when i'm writing this, it could be as you're reading this. I just want you to know i love you. Every single part. The bits i complain about you, your looks, your personality, every bit. The amount of times i look at you in a day and just get lost is unbelievable. You truely are a beautiful soul. You are too good to me, too good for me. You are the prettiest boy I have ever met. It's you, and i hope one day i get to tell you that or get the guts to. I want to give you all the love and happiness in the world and I wish I could, but trust me it will come. ---You have always said that we will never break up and you always looked at me funny when i would never reply. You always have this look of worry on your face when i do this but i think you kinda misunderstand where i'm coming from. I know we won't break up from us if that makes sense. I always had that feeling that we were so right for each other that only life could get in the way. When i say this i mean that maybe we are going to have to go in different directions. Different places. I say this so calmly because even if this happens i know that we are meant to be in each others lives. And we will always find our way back to each other no matter what. And who knows, we might still be together, or maybe we aren't. No matter what happens between us (i really don't mean to be cringe) i just want you to know I am so unbelievably proud of the person you are at this moment, the person you are reading this as and the person you are becoming. You have gone through so much, and i have the largest amount of respect for you as you go through life being the kindest most caring people i have ever met. If you happen to be going through something right now (i believe in divine timing so try not to judge me saying this) but take this as a sign. If for whatever reason we aren't in each others lives i want you to pick up the ******* phone and call me. Anyways - I love you, and as much as you're annoyed for me sending this in 5 years i know you will appreciate it. Happy 2026 Mr Riccardo <3