A letter from Oct 13th, 2021

hello, you, happy birthday, you absolute charmer. i hope u're still a badass ***** ;) it came to my attention that you will be 20 by the time you read this. how does it feel to be old? are you still dead inside? do you get work emails? are you even working? it's weird... writing to you. but at the same time, it feels so grounding and comforting. i'm supposed to be finishing this essay miss michelle set lol but i'll do that later. you wanted to take film as your course, did you ever take it? is screenwriting something you're still taking interest in? did you get into that scholarship in australia? i wish i could know. do you still write? i hope you still are, it makes me happy. if you haven't, can you start again? a passage would be fine. it doesn't even have to be fanfic. do you still read fanfic? i bet you are HAHAHAHAHA i hope that you learned how to completely love yourself by now. you deserve it. out of all the people, you really do. i wonder if you ever fell in love within these five years. was it a stupid boy? a girl? anyway, i wish that they loved you the way you deserve. do you have friends? like new ones? OH DID YOU EVER MEET YOUR ONLINE FRIENDS? i wish u did, that would have been so fun. speaking of friends, would you do me a favor and send a text to the ones you aren't talking to as much anymore? i think they'll appreciate that, i know you would. i wonder if you still live with mom and dad lol or at least at the same vicinity as them. it's somber... thinking about it. you always wanted to study abroad, right? just to get away from here and experience another lifestyle. but that meant leaving them. you got sick, like, two weeks ago maybe? from food poisoning. do you remember that? because of that stupid fries dip sjkhsjsdhsj but they took care of you. it was nice, now that i'm thinking about it, despite feeling like utter **** that week. they gave you attention, and you realized how much they really love you. it just so happened that they only showed it when you weren't feeling the best. mom kept telling me how much she loved me that time. and it's making me cry. i love them, you do, too. i think you just wish that they'd be that soft on you all the time. you wished that they'd go easy on you. but, please go give them a call if you're not with them rn. tell them u love them, and treat them for some lunch date, okay? DO IT. spoil the crap outta them. if you don't have money, then go look for some. by the way, did you ever get to travel? AAAAAAAAAA i wanna know where you got to go. i'm happy for you if you ever did, it's a dream, wasn't it? anyway, i just wanted to say that you took on so much that was never yours to carry, and i hope that you already set it down. if you haven't tho, you can do it whenever you're ready :) go get some rest, even if it's just for a day or two. i'm tired right now, and i know you probably are, too. go slack of in your bed, with some ben & jerry's cookie dough ice cream. buy some mcdonald's. play your favorite film and do a movie marathon. or you could have an emergency dance party. just do it by yourself, alright? treat yourself, date yourself. self love is always the best. i had a lot of questions in this letter, and i wanted you to just... look back to it and see how much you've accomplished. you seem to be forgetting to appreciate the little things sometimes. but!!! i know you have a lot of achievements, and i am so, incredibly, proud of you! please go out and get some takeout, go celebrate! AGH OH MY GOD WAIT DID U EVER DRINK?? LIKE ALCOHOL?? I HOPE NOT, IT'S DISGUSTING. anyway, happy 20th birthday, liane! i love you so so so so much! <3 lots of love, liane (15) p.s. don't forget to write again for the next 10 years. jeez, 30 tho??? it's making me go mental just thinking about it.