A letter from Oct 11th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, It's 8:09pm right now, I'm typing in your parents' room. You just finished submitting an output for your Speech Comm class, that pretty hassle by the way, but you're done! Earlier today, you were very cranky and such a moody ***** because of all the work you have to do within the day. How you have so much projects to pass and so much essays to do in midterms week? You got so frustrated ykno? Tsk. But props to you, you finished! Even though you failed earlier's quiz, I know you did your best. Online classes is hard especially when you just transitioned to college, studying a medical degree. I hope you become a licensed Medical Technologist. Imagine RMT beside your name. I know you want to be a doctor, but take it one step at a time, K. Aim for RMT! <3 In your first year of college, it has been very demanding and hard. I keep on forgetting due dates and even forgot one quiz for Anaphy. Good thing the professor was KIND OF nice, he allowed you to retake it along with your 17 blockmates haha. He sucks btw. Anyway, sometimes, I think you took this pathway because you want to prove people wrong. A medical degree is hard, you doubt yourself alot right now by the way, and you'd like to use this to shove the degree up to people's faces. Stop thinking of what people thinks of you, it's very unhealthy & definitely unimportant. You're struggling to live right now, do you remember? I have tried hurting myself but thank God I do not like pain inflicted upon my body HAHAH. But I might try it if I do not stop depressing myself. You tend to blame yourself for the wrong things going on around you and you often wished that time machines were true just so you could escape your current reality. It's frustrating to see you grow in the wrong path. You're becoming an empty canvas, K. You're becoming a joke to yourself. You are so damaged and hurt that even you cannot see your value anymore. I try to remind you that it's just your current situation, and that you'll be okay, so stop it. But invalidating you right now will not work anymore. I hope you held on and achieved your dreams. Did you make your parents proud? Did you pass the battery exam? Have you made friends through your college career? Did you pass anaphy?!?! HAHA. Are you still stan Mamamoo? Do you still love Wheein? She saved you through depressing night btw, so continue loving her pls. Do you still have Chibi? We got her this year ya know!!! Just a month ago I think?? Are you still ***? Have you come out yet? Or did you not continue onto that path? (Altho I think it's too late LOL) Did you vote for Leni? Did you visit JSue in Korea already? Are you still mad at ate Yen? Are you still close with your cousins? Are you still in FEUCSO? Or did your schedule overflow already? Is your laptop still working? It has been 2 years now since I bought this Macbook (still grateful btw). Whats your weight? I got really fat in quarantine, I think I'm currently at 52kg :'( I'm still 5'1 btw. Are you in F2F classes already? And are you surviving? Online classes got a toll on my mental health LOL, hope ur good. Are you still a christian? Do you love God? Did you finally understand what it meant to become a committed follower of Christ? I hope you did. Listen to Pelikula by Janina Teñoso, it might bring you back to 2021 vibes. Whatever you're going through, just think about mama and papa and naits. They need you.