A letter from Oct 10th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I had this urge to write you a letter because I am trying to escape studying (sorry!). Anyway, how are you? I hope you're somewhere in Italy or Japan right now, living life and enjoying everything the sun reaches. I hope that the simple pleasures in life touches you as much as it does today. But if you're not, then that's alright, I hope you'll pull through somehow, like you always do. ummm... I think that I want to tell you that I'm sorry if my actions right now (or the lack thereof) is the reason for your suffering right now. My anxiety is kind of getting bad and the best that I could do to pull through is to immerse myself in fantasy worlds and in whatever content the internet can offer to keep me from being alone with my thoughts. And subsequently, I can't really do what it is that I need to do. What am I up to? I guess I'm trying to make myself like programming and coding and I have yet to lose hope that I'll grow to like it and be good at it. I'm also learning to narrate books, hopefully I can turn that into a career. I think, that the deeper cause of my anxiety is that in less than a month now, I would be 21 and still be at this house. Now that I've come to think of if, it might really be the reason for my worsening anxiety and why I can't seem to function. Do you think I'm self-sabotaging? In any case, I hope that you don't dread your own 25th birthday and that you're in that dream apartment now. I would also like to remind you that you don't need to be anything or anyone grand, I just really hope that you're happy—because right now, that's the thought I'm clinging on to. Also, I would like to know if some romance is stirring in your life right now. Is there? I'd like to know so bad. I hope it would be as good as all the romance stories I've imagined. Or more excitingly, I hope It's different and better and that it caught you off guard. I hope it was a slow type of romance. the one where you started as enemies, then friends, then lovers. Or something like the two of you being friends for a long time and then one secretly falls for the other, unrequited, until the other realizes they love the other one too. I also hope it will somehow be tragical, that'll make it much more romantic—a love lost, and then won. Take care over there. Fall in love with life and find joy and good everywhere. Don't let the awful energies in the world spoil you and shift your morals. When you seek for things to wonder and delight at, you will find them, and your soul would never hunger. And a little lesson from your favorite Anne Shirley (I hope you're still as fond with her over there as you are now, and maybe re read the series if you got the time?): "learn to look upon each little hindrance as a jest and each great one as a foreshadowing of victory." I love you so, and I'm sorry if this letter is all over the place. Yours truly, Colleen