A letter from Oct 4th, 2021 (25 years old)

Hey Future Me, I wasn't sure how to start this letter. It's been awhile since I've checked in with myself - something I have lost along the way as I became more cynical towards life. I felt like I lost a youthful innocence of that once passionate/happier me. Even now, as you are listening to some feelsy J-pop song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odw4KzdLbPw), trying to think of something to write. Something to say. Something to inspire - perhaps change how you are feeling right now in this stage of 25. I've been feeling down in the slumps. The lack of motivation to do the things I really want to do for my life. The stuff that really matters to me yet somehow ending up back in the same old routine. The purpose of things I want to accomplish... still being left in the notepad... waiting to be fulfilled... someday. Right now, life seems almost mechanical. See average 25 clients per week. Working Tues/Wed/Fri/Half Sat (you just negotiated down). At the new workplace, which has been so much better towards your mental well-being (cause honestly fk that old workplace for crossing your boundaries so many times). You also get to sleep in until 11 AM - which of course helps a lot cause sleep is important to happy you!! Don't you love sleeping at 2 AM and waking up - not having to be disturbed by the alarm? Right now, I know there is something more to work than being stuck in the same mundane routine like ticking clockwork. I wanted diversity for so long, wanting to become a Youtuber for mental health content as well as someone who creates worksheets for others to spread awareness/education. Maybe since the 1st year of being an MFT (back in the program). Eventually, becoming an entrepreneur of doing your own website and even coming up with your own coaching program. Cause that all lead to creating your own private practice and that dream international business (be flying to Taiwan to get boba + beef noodle). Sharing what has helped you personally and professionally as an AMFT to others, perhaps helping them along the way. :') I wanted to do something more. I always wanted to achieve more because you know your potential. I want to be true to myself and continue to live life to the fullest, not bounded by the current anxiety and struggles. That is at your core. The thing is, it all seems far out of reach at the moment. I don't have the motivation to do the hard work. Right now, you've been stuck with ideas and haven't realized them into reality. Lots of great ambitions. Lots of creative potentials. But at the end, never executed into something more (just take a look at your Bear app). I guess deep down, I am afraid of failing. The what-ifs that come from actually doing the things. Because to do them - is to have the possibility of failing. Maybe there is a part of me that hasn't accepted that. That I can't reach that future, no matter how hard I try. I hope you have worked on being kinder towards yourself. More compassionate and positive. I hope you have taken the time to realize your strength and achievements - accepting that part as you continue to grow. I hope you genuinely feel like you are doing enough. That it's okay to fail - as long as you learn from the experience and carry that forward. After all, you are a human being at the end of the day ;w; It's honestly been really tough. I know things take time but I don't want days to pass by me anymore. I am already in my 25s, about to turn 26. I hope the latter half of my 20s - is one full of self-awareness and personal growth. 1. In my AMFT journey, I want to be licensed and make more $$$ than my current pay. I want to have at least started have my own set of private clients or niche. I wanted to have the foundations of my website - possibly thinking about the future of my practice. 2. In my writing journey, I wanted to have at least finished my novel - draft-wise. I know you are difficult to please nowadays but at the very least, don't let your Patreon fans down. Finish the story that means so much to you. Remember the quote - write the story you want to read. Create that inspiring, heartfelt novel you always wanted to make before you move on from this world. 3. In my food blogging journey, I wanted to have started Youtube and posted videos. Doesn't need to be famous or whatnot but at least learn some of the basics of video editing. Also getting back on that long AF hiatus of Instagram. Who cares about what other people may think? DO IT BECAUSE YOU LOVE IT. 4. In my mental health journey, I wanted to have started back the routine of gratitude journal + monthly evaluation/reflection. Also start that journey of self-love and reconnecting with my youthful self. I also want to create more worksheets because that's something I know I am good at. Don't let outcomes dictate your action. Again, just do it because you want to. That's plenty of reason to start treading that path. 5. In my social journey, I want to have deepened the quality of my friendship. Taking those first steps to reconnect (which I am doing) Learn how to be more vulnerable with others. Seek help from people that care about you. Take that risk because that's how a relationship deepens - by you sharing more about yourself. Hopefully, my high school dream of traveling with a friend abroad to Asia will be set in motion. There's also meeting up with online friends you met over Discord. Travel the world and to different places because it'll teach you so many things. Experience those moments and taking it all in. Some special memories from these current moments - You literally just went to your first concert (Porter Robinson!! owo) with bestie after how many years of saying to do something like this? And it was amazing to feel so connected with her. - You had the 2nd sleepover at her place (although you didn't take pic for the concert - you are starting to take photos of your journey with her) - You tried Nep café for the very 1st time and freaking loved the 19.99$ fried rice (and she even paid for the entire meal) - You made the decision to prioritize self-care (negotiating down Saturday evening with the support of your supervisor) - You made plans to reconnect with old high school friends, trying to do something more to feel less lonely. - You being a mystery shopper for HDL and getting to eat lavish bougie hot pot - You deranking with poshi to the promised land of Iron 4 (tsundere yuumi + muchazedd) - You taking the time to come back to this website after being on hiatus for how many years. That was a lot but I thank you for reading, future me. I genuinely believe in you and what you can accomplish. So here are some phrases to cheer you on if you are in a dark place (pick whichever resonates with you): From the bottom of my heart, Amae believes in you. Don't let the judgment of others prevent you from living the life you truly want to live. If you are not willing to be a fool, you can't become a master. You can’t finish your book if you keep re-reading this chapter. Celebrate your personal victories because no one else understands what it took to accomplish them. What you do today will take a definite form overtime. It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness, that is life. Looking forward to seeing your response :')