A letter from Oct 2nd, 2021

dear future jenn, HEYYYYYY. I’m (well…you) currently writing this, listening to my fall 2019 playlist, at Seminole high while I’m volunteering 8am-10pm for Seminole sound spectacular. I’ve just been sitting in the gym on my phone because there’s not much to help right now so I decided to type this. GENUINELY type this. As you read the other past to future letters, your past self was not doing so well. She hated herself: body, personality, looks, but most importantly… her life. She wanted to give up and she looked up to her future self for some hope. Hope that things would get better, problems would go away, and that she would be more secure in the future. Yet, in that future (which was last year), things HAD not gotten better. And her future self let her past self (2019 self) know that. She apologized for letting her down but let her know that one day, it will get better. One day she will stop hating herself. One day she will feel more happier and secure and learn to love herself. And she was right. Because I am happy now. Your 15 (almost 16 in 2 months) sophomore self, has learned to love herself. What took me so long? I’ve hated myself all my life. I hated how I looked and how I acted. What made me realize was one incident. One incident that I hate to bring up, but I will. Soooo… first year back at school after Covid happened and ur first year at a in school high school. Sophomore just wanting to get by the school year after losing contact with all her friends that go to Seminole. All the sudden, late august, a boy sits down with Tiffany and I at lunch just to talk to us. The boy was Tyler, a junior, who was in my guitar class in middle school. We have never really spoken one on one, only when we’re around Tiffany. Me and him had a marvel debate at lunch once and that soon led to us texting on instagram… then Snapchat… then iMessage. Tiffany was right, he did have a great way with words. He chased after me, flirted with me, and it worked. I soon started to like him. I started to like him because he’s the first person I ever spoken to that has almost ALL the same interests as me. Marvel, DC, Star Wars, didn’t watch anime but he knew about it, and he matched my energy perfectly. Soon… we started dating. He was my first kiss. I let him touch me in ways I have never let anyone touch me. We had been dating for a month when I found out he started texting his ex again. He admitted that he still missed her. I had a huge breakdown, sad that he was in a relationship with me while he missed his ex. We talked about it, he apologized for being a horrible person and that it wasn’t fair to me but I told him it was okay because I couldn’t blame him for missing his ex. He promised that he would stop talking to her and just focus on me because he really likes me and swore that he would be honest about his feelings. I obviously believed him. The next day, I find out that he has been dating her for the past year while the same time dating me. He tells me it’s because he likes the both of us and can’t choose and that he’s been on and off with her. I convinced myself that I shouldn’t hate him and to just be nice. So we had a big talk about it and I told him to just text me when he figures it out. I was stupid for trying to be nice given the fact that he had lied to me many times. A week after not talking, I decided to check up on him. We start talking again and all of the sudden he blocks me on everything. That’s when I realize. I’m a strong person. I’m a kind person. The things I never realized about myself had started to surface. I’m a literal girl boss. I didn’t cry like I had did twice. I didn’t get mad. I didn’t yell at anyone and I didn’t try to get answers from him. Instead, I moved on. I forgave but never forgot. I realized it was a waste of time crying over someone who never cared about me. I realized how strong I am. What he did to me was horrible but I’m glad it happens because it was an experience that I learned from. I’m a strong person and I’m proud of myself. I love things about me like how caring I am towards others and how I realize things about living life to my fullest and “yolo” and worrying about things that are useless and won’t matter in the future. I’ve have the best mindset lately. I go on walks, I’m more proactive, I’ve lost (SOME) weight, I feel better about my looks. Im still insecure about my body but I don’t even care. And I take compliments more seriously. This girl named breana, who’s really pretty, told me today that I’m one of the coolest people she has ever met because of my hello kitty pencil case and my nobara tote bag. And i accepted it because I am a cool person and probably one of the best people you could have in ur life. I own the coolest stuff, my room is cool, and my interests are so open and diverse. Obviously I have flaws, but I’ve embraced my imperfections and self growth because everyday I’m growing, learning more about myself and the world. So future me, continue to grow, continue to involve yourself and love yourself more and more each day. Whenever you feel down, don’t invalidate ur feelings but don’t dwell on it and just get up and move on. Because your a literal boss. Your gonna do big things. Don’t let me down!