A letter from Oct 1st, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Sorry for not writing these past few months. I just couldn’t find the energy to. A*** turned out to be a pedo. I mean, I kinda knew it when he started dating that girl. But it was easier to turn a blind eye while thinking it was legal where they came from. I dont know… I’m mad at myself for not stepping in sooner. But as fast as her friend reached out to me, I talked to her. Me and alot of others cut A*** out of our lives. I really felt like punching him. But obviously I couldn’t since he lives in a different country. I tried to convince the girl to tell her parents and she said she would. I really hope she does and that her parents reports A***. I also told her to take screenshots and all that, which she did. Thank god for that because that same day he went and deleted all of it. But you were too slow *******, Cant escape this. I’m glad to cut an ******* like that out. But at the same time I feel torn about the community I have lost. A*** owned a discord server filled with people. But now thats all gone. I dont want to spend much time talking about this though. I already spent hours talking about it the day hell broke lose. Having to explain to multiple people whats going on. Having to cut out people who choose to continue and support A***. **** show. It was all a **** show. But at least something good happened. I used an app called Kippo and met a guy named Mark there. I like him. He’s funny, kind and just very ******* interesting. He said I was cut. He seemed to like talking to me, or at least I hope he does. It’s too bad my social anxiety makes me allergic to people. I go around waiting for him to write me, knowing full well that probably just makes me seem distant. I hate myself for that. I cant even keep something good because I am afraid of what will happen. The thought of something going wrong, Makes me pull back from anything that could go good. I’m so sick with myself. Why are we like this? Why can’t we just take the good and hug the **** out of it until it solidfies and stays with inprinted with us? I don’t know what the future holds. But whatever it is, I hope my future also involves with someone elses future. I want to be held. I want to be loved. I’m not the greatest person in the world. But don’t I at least deserve to be loved by someone? Even just the tiniest bit? Anyways. Theres so much more I could talk about. School. How my summer job was (it was bad). People in my life. How my closest friend seems to be pulling away. She says its because of work, But my mind never lets myself get off that easily. I keep finding myself being convinced she just doesnt want to talk to me. Funny. Here I just asked if I dont deserve to at least be loved a tiny bit. I already know what answer the darkest part of me has to that. But I’d rather not indulge in them too much. We’ll have to talk about all that some other time. I don’t feel like writing anything more for now. I hope the future is better.