A letter from Sep 27th, 2021

Dear Future Gabz, Hi, it's me sam from 2021. I'm so lost. I've made one of the worst decisions in my life when I was 12, unfortunately, that decision made my whole future crumble. I'm so late in school I won't finish in time for Impact 360. It's September 27th. If I don't apply before November I'm definitely not going. I see you on Instagram and our video calls, you seem so happy and hopeful. It makes me so happy to know you are doing ok despite everything. You know how attached I've become with you and how all I want is my sister from another mother (hahaha) to have a good life with your significant other and future family. Most importantly, know how much God loves you. I have no hope for my future. I'm trapped and can't unlock the door of this nightmare. It's not even about school anymore, ill always be lazy, selfish, and self-sabotage. I'm trying so hard to not cross my street into the train track and wait till I can be with God. I know I don't deserve God's love, no one does. But he still loves us and wants us to do his will. I know he's not going to take me. I know I'm not strong enough to **** myself. I just want out. I want the easy way out. I'm not sure what will happen next. I just hope you don't dwell on my passing someday. Just know you made me so happy and glad to be alive while I could. You are my person, my soulmate, my sister, and most importantly, My Best Friend. I love you and I hope somehow we can read this letter together and laugh at how dramatic I was or you know, yeah. I Frank Sinatra you♡