A letter from Sep 20th, 2021

Hi, big sis. did we make it to 25? life's been rough yk as usual. workin on self love, knowing my value, keep reminding myself that I'm worth it. been thinking abt ending it, but i know that i'm not gonna do it. i just don't ever wanna be born. it's still hard to breathe fully knowing that i am a dissapointment to my parents. yes we both know that we're not a ****** and idk what would happen if i tell them. i'm the 1st child and I'm supposed to be a role model to my siblings. Imagine if i have the courage to tell them abt it. idk. it sucks. also i feel like i can't trust anyone anymore. even my best friend. she said some horrible things that practically saying that i shouldn't catch feelings for rich kids and i gotta be more self aware of where I'm standing in terms of social class. first of all i didn't know that she (my ex crush) was rich. she said that as if it's wrong for me to catch feelings. THEN she sent me a voice note saying that she doesn't even self aware of herself bc her gf is rich. so i can't do it but she can? I don't get it. i feel worthless now. i'll need some time to recover from this. I know it sounds like a small problem but the thing is, this came out from someone who i trust the most, who i feel most comfortable with and now I barely even know her. and she been hiding things from me though she asked me to tell her abt my secrets. so i don't feel like she trust me. she doesn't feel like her anymore. did i do smth wrong? did i say smth to her? do u have new friend that can replace her now? also i still overshare and trust ppl way too easily. so if u r reading this pls tell me that u r doing better than me. cuz i'm struggling here. bye big sis happy 25th bday