A letter from Sep 16th, 2021

Dear Future Self, today is September 24th, 2021, we are 18. It has now been 5 years and I hope the covid has let us live freely again and hope you take care of yourself because I don't need to remind you that last summer we nearly died… I expected that turning 18 was different, you know, being brave or having courage to be more independent about our decisions or simply things like what we really like but unfortunately we keep going in the opposite direction, is not too bad. As you know, one of the good things we do this year was tell to our parents that if we study chemistry probably all will end in a tragic novel about how we work at a lab or something worse… an incredible manufacture plant or something like that and not in mars as I wanted, so I’m here, writing this letter as homework of our immersion course of english that we need to pass to being an animator , at this way we don’t go to mars in person but maybe we try through a render. Returning to the fact we are 18 and any friends as I supposed, probably that idea change a little when I leave from Dairy Queen, we spent a lot of funny moments there and obviously I know new people and as always at first we are insecure and then we have some friends ( 3 really) and a fantastic person that we hate his existence around we. At this moment it's all too hard, i'm broken and i'm terrified i can't fix it at time. I try to be brave and help me but simply we stay always at the same place, in the last step, in front of mom with a lump in throat and an earthquake in mind and the moments we are so close she doesn't seem to really care. I'm too scared that someday I will be much later than I am now, if today I don't know how I am or what I really like, what happens next… I will never have the courage to tell our parents how I am or worse, I will not know how to explain what I want because I don't know how I am (IT'S SO CONFUSING). I'm only terrified I can't fix myself and lost all… lost her, because of the time. Not all is overwhelming, the most valuable I have right now is her, definitely, I know that you know how valuable and important she is in our life since we met her ok… maybe not since we met her but sure when she turned into our best friend and obviously the next step. I love her so much, she always tries to do her best to help me even sometimes I feel that I hurt her (I hate myself for that). I hope with all my heart that all we say really happens and we stay together for a long time. I'm grateful to have a cute family that probably regrets all I wrote some paragraphs before but they take care of me and make sure to give me the best to be happy, although they don't understand how I feel most of the time. I know they love me so much. Changing the direction of this, I discovered that I'm good at decorating cakes and it's really funny. The time working at Dairy Queen gave us this talent. One day I decorated a spiderman theme cake. I won a beautiful cake pin because of the incredible art I made. Right now I only wish to complete a few things, the most important and the one I need to start with is to give me the strength to go to therapy and finally know all about myself and be alright with me, with my family and with her. Be free and have control about my life and my decisions; be me and not what they want me to be. If I start with that everything will be solved and I can give all of myself in college and at the rest of my life to be like you. I hope with all my heart we can do it, it is the only thing I wish at the moment I'm writing this letter that someday we can be free. The only thing I need to remind you and remind me is that we are here not only because of the great help she means to ourselves, we are here because we have courage to continue working with us and believe in ourselves. To end with this I have some questions that mean a lot to my present self… Do we accomplish all the incredible things we plan to do? She 's with us ? If not, How hard was that? The two are fulfilling their dreams? a DO YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE? IS IT AS GOOD AS I'M EXPECTING? I know we can fight against everything, keep following your heart and treating people with kindness (only the ones that really deserves it) Finally whatever it happens be strong and keep going I look forward to being in your place… Luisa :)) (at this moment from the past )