A letter from Sep 15th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I hope your ok. This is my first letter and I have no idea what to say. And I should probably make it known that I did lie about my age. I'm currently eleven years old and my birthday is in four days. And plus that means it's your birthday in four days too! Happy almost seventeenth birthday. Now that I think about it, wow your old. And I know, I know. You're probably thinking that there is so many thing you would like to tell me. And hello again this is you three days in the future. It is currently September 14th. I guess I got stuck on what to say. And a bit of procrastination helped. But for now lets start with the basics. Well first, my name. This is tricky. Since I'm having trouble with, my gender identity and my name is very much preferred to one side, let's call my(your)self GE for now. I hope you know what that means. Do you still have problems with that or have you figured yourself out? And I guess it's the same with *********. What else... I guess I should tell you I currently self harm. Do you, GE? I used to think I knew why but now I'm not that sure. Is it because of my emotional pain finally turning into physical? And I guess because this is three days after I first started, tomorrow's my birthday. I honestly don't care about my birthday. It's just celebrating that you survived this far. I honestly thought that I'd be dead by now. And that leads me too mental health. Or lack thereof. I'm undiagnosed at the moment and suicidal. I have symptoms of ADHD, High-functioning Anxiety, High-functioning Depression, BPD, Social Anxiety, Eating Disorder, etc. I'm stuck. It feels like "water hollowing out the stone; drop by drop. Quietly. Slowly. By the time I realized something's wrong I'm neck deep. Soon I became so used to it I can't even tell when it started. I just feel its presence lingering every day of every week of every year." -Kat Napiorkowaska No one knows. I doubt anyone cares. What if I died? Would anyone even notice my lack of existing? I feel like I'm stuck in a dark tunnel. Sometimes I'll see a reflection of light on the walls. Or a faint sound. But the second I turn around, it's gone. Vanished. It goes on like this and I don't know if it will ever stop. But as long as I keep a smile on my face and not act like a waste of space and make everyone happy - no one will notice. So I try my hardest to be the best. At school. At sports. At being a child. A friend. On that topic, do you have friends? Like ones you can actually talk too? Right now I have a lot of acquaintances but not necessarily friends. I'm basically a therapist everyone can vent to. I feel like an object. A vase. A dishwasher. A knife. I hope you feel better. Or at least can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll be texting back soon, GE. And please, at least for tomorrow, enjoy yourself. Forget everything. Know that even if you feel super alone, I'm here, cheering for you in the past. I love you. I care. From PastSelf.