A letter from Sep 14th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Are you still suffering? Did you talk to... him? Those are the questions I can't get out of my mind right now. Today, 14/9/2021: your heart is broken, you're still living in the past and it seems like there's no way out of it. It's been 4 years, 4 painful years, but he's still somewhere in your head, right? Wait, today (that is 2/9/2026) it's actually 9 years. Wow! Anyway, how's your Italian? Did you give up on it? And what about your other dreams? Are you still with Ilya? I feel so ******* bad, I feel like I'm constantly betraying him, because every ******* day I think about Jack. Yesterday I even wrote him an email. He didn't respond (obviously). What was I thinking? Oh man, if it was only possible to get stuck forever in those happy months of 2017, to not suffer from depression (have you checked you brains yet? I'm tninking we might have BPD or something of the kind). Today I was taking the bus, listening to Chokebore and crying. I'm constantly nauseous. I can't stand myself. I have no friends. I think there's something wrong between Ilya and me (yeah, no ****, Sherlock, you're still in love with the ******* who treated you like **** and you still want to get in contact with him). Please, please, please, Настя, do something. Please. You deserve a better life, life without tears and struggling, a happy life. I'm sorry I let myself turn into this. Treasure whose who are near you. I hope you're still with Ilya. He loves you so ******* much, no one ever has loved you this much. Please, give him back as much love as he gives you. Please, let go of your past, it's going nowhere. - you