A letter from Sep 13th, 2021

Dear Future Me, Today is 13-9-2021 .. I,m Alone , feeling that way everyday , they keep telling me that i'm kind , good and helpful , at first i liked being the good guy , good friend and i believed that this is me , the one who will always be there , but i don't like being me anymore , i want it back , kindness is a mess .. i'm messed up and i don't know what to do , sometimes i wish i'm dead but i wish the opposite the next hour or day . sometimes i wish i could be a bad boy so no one can use me anymore but i fail every time i try , i accept it all but not willingly , i'm distracted and don't know why , do not know the way to end it all ... you should know how much i'm messed up when i tell you that this is a letter i'm writing to my future self and i don't know what to say , there are things that i'm afraid to tell me !!!!!!!! i wanna share it all with you(me) but i fear the fear you would feel if you remembered the stuff happening these days and before , i wanna tell you about my emotional life and how crowded it is but i will not do that hoping that you won't remember it any time soon , you get settled and married the woman who is not a feminist , not a cheater , not a pretender , not the prettiest from the outside but she has a soul the makes her believe she is the prettiest human being in the entire universe , hopefully you find the woman who understands the real you , feels the way you feel , shares you these things and loves you the most. i hope that you are on the right path today and you know what you are doing cuz if you are not , then i'm sorry you are miserable , i'm sorry on behalf of myself , i'm the one who put me in this place , i'm the torturer and i'm good at English as well. in 2026 i wish women would be more honorable , trustful and real , cuz if they are not then god help us cuz we are damned .. when you (me) read this don't think i'm crazy cuz i'm not , i'm just messed up as i told you and don't you look up the past for more information . for you to know , until this moment i'm writing this **** , i don't think that i've never been in love , every time things get complicated between me and myself , the women i knew were ******* , not all of them but 80% were really ******* , the one i didn't get to know , i didn't risk losing her before even getting to know her , hopefully someday i will unless i lose her for someone else . Eventually , i hate this world , i hate the way it makes me feel and i hate the traditions that ties me up to myself(me).