A letter from Sep 10th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, You're writing this on the 10th of September 2021. It's 9.55am, it's sunny-ish outside, but you should be getting ready for work right now. Your hair is a bit wet cause I washed it last night and slept with that plop towel thing. I'm not sure if you should still be doing that now. I kind of hope you're not. You're doing this because Al Ibrahim sent you a link to his video after ya'll connected on Bumble, about how he writes a letter to the future. And you love writing and you think it'd be pretty nice to see where you came from and also it's just a great exercise in introspection and grounding. So let's go. You've been single a whole *** year (and a month) at the time of writing this. You've had to do a lot of self-soothing, self-enjoying, self-caring, loving. But the year, and yes, it is a pandemic year, has not been all bad or lonely. It was at first. after breaking up with Shao Min, you were filled with hope and living alone in BU was a huge step towards independence. But also seeing people around you fall in love, get married, have a baby, made you feel a bit alone sometimes. And every time you get onto these dating apps and don't find that someone to love or connect with or send your head and heart into space, you think to yourself "maybe I'm meant to be alone". But you're not really alone even if you feel that way. You now live with Anju and Serene in an apartment you love. You're sitting on fairly fresh dusty pink sheets - the one from IKEA that you love - in a room that is smaller than that in BU, but doesn't feel as empty. You've got green outside your windows and the birds and ew bugs sing to you day and night. You made tau yew bak, sambal tempeh and steamed mantou for the Geese Gang for dinner yesterday. When the three of you are home, you try to cook more often 'cause you love how it brings you together, even if being in the kitchen stresses you out. The food was really good tho. 10/10 chef's kiss. You also have Sam, who, for all her clinginess, has actually been one of the best people to work with and grow alongside with in this pandemic. She's clingy and video calls you almost every work day without fail. You have Devon, who you are sometimes hot and cold with, but who replies to almost every insta story you post and checks in on you often. You have Nez, who you talk to or chat with once or twice a month. She will always think you're brilliant and a babe, no matter how much you or your body changes or how much time has past since you last spoke or had ***. You have Jit and Jon, constants who never waver. Ever. And Leysha, who will always have your back and you will always have hers. So despite the pain and loneliness Shao Min and this pandemic caused, you're still very loved and surrounded by energy that is supportive and kind and genuine. On top of community, this year of being single has really allowed you to work on yourself -- mentally, healthwise, financially even. You saw Rohini again for 6 sessions and are taking a month off therapy to put into practice what you've learned and go on your own for a bit. You write affirmations almost daily, with a few missed days here and there. But it is a habit now. You don't eat chips, chocolate and fast food as much, you've cut down on sugary drinks. You're taking metformin for PCOS at last (how's that going btw?). You put up with a lot of side effects and tummy issues the past 2 months and your period was traumatic, but holy hell look at you doing the health things, getting through it and still going. You have some savings, you spent quite a bit on the apartment, but you can't really regret it because you're building a home that feels good and safe (except for the bugs who visit), even if it's still a bit bare. You started the first step towards mutual fund investing with Sasi yesterday, the profile's been created and you'll be investing by next week. You have a personal budget that you go over sometimes, probably not enough, but overall you feel more secure financially and independently than you ever have. You still get bad days sometimes, you're capable of being very hard on yourself, but you haven't felt suicidal or fallen into a debilitating spiral in a long time. This period of building and thriving and unbridling has been tiring, but also so god**** fruitful. I'm really proud of us. It's 10.36. So you need to work. Taking a short break now before we get back into it. Good luck, firecracker. *Sent this 3 days late because fam it's been a mad weekend, but I'm sure you understand. I love you.