A letter from Sep 12th, 2021

hey, is anyone reading this? i just need to say a few things. 1) i like her so much it hurts. i won’t pretend that this is love; even if feelings like this make me a little bit delusional i at least know better than that. but i really really like her. i do. 2) in less than a week i’ll be moving down to LA. for college. and you know what? i’ve been waiting to go back to campus for a year and a half, but after everything thats happened in this past month, i kind of don’t want to go anymore. isn’t that ******* stupid? to want to put these feelings over my future? not that i won’t go. i know what’s best for me. but do i really have to feel so sad about it? is this really worth crying over? i guess it doesn’t really matter, because i’m crying anyway. 3) i think she might feel the same way. i mean, i’m not 100% sure, but there’s a good chance. that’s what makes it hurt more. if this were like most of my other crushes, it would be a lot easier to move on. there’s no loss. there’s no “what could have been.” but every time she leans in really close to me, i feel like i could just grab her hand and fly away. feel like nothing else matters. i told you, i get a little bit delusional. 4) whenever she remembers i’m leaving, she withdraws. i don’t even want to talk to her about it anymore. i just want to stay close to her. 5) does that mean long distance is out of the question? i mean, i don’t even know how much i would want something like that, let alone how she would feel about it. and it’s really hard to enter a long distance relationship with someone you’ve only really known for a month. it’s a lot to ask. 6) she barely texts back. it’s like… it’s like she only thinks about me when i’m right in front of her. it’s like… she stopped flirting so much when she found out i wouldn’t be here anymore. its like she thinks i betrayed her. 7) it’s like i only have 3 days left with her and i don’t know how to spend them. 8) do i confess? i’ll cry if i confess. 9) is it unfair to confess to someone and then run far far away? not knowing if you’ll ever come back? 10) dear future letter readers, dear all of the nosy people of the world, dear unsuspecting advice columnists, what the **** should i do? i set this to be delivered to myself in 5 years, but really that’s not the point. i hope someone on futureme.org is reading this. that would be enough for me. i’ll be watching the website in case someone wants to write a letter and knock some sense into me. but if not, thats okay. take care, j