A letter from Sep 11th, 2021

Dear Angela, i hope you're so much happier than your past self. I hope you're still you and you're not eaten up by what you saw were 'failures', they do not define you. I know you'll remember how hurt you were because you couldn't see anything but what went wrong or not according to plan. I know those things will only make you stronger and a better version of yourself. I hope you don't cry anymore as much as you did, hiding in your room from everyone and trying to be quiet so no one could hear you. I hope you're not crying yourself to sleep anymore. I know it sounds depressing if you're reading this in one of your 'happy moments' were you gaslight yourself thinking you're overdramatic. you're not. allow yourself to feel not okay and not in control of everything. I know you're still a good person and a bad *****. i just know hehe. I hope you've accomplished what you felt like you had to in order to make your family and whoever else happy. And i hope it didn't destroy you like it feels right now. and i hope you still have a good relationship with mum, she's the only one left. You better have mastered the art of not giving a **** of what other people think, especially your family. you're not a reflection of your dad, i hope you don't feel anymore that anger towards him, you deserve peace. even if he won't ever say sorry, you don't need to forgive him, he doesn't deserve forgiveness, but you deserve peace. i hope you move on with a light heart, and that your heart will be light for a long time, it suits you. I know you're grown to be so strong that your past hurting can't reach you anymore, can't destroy you anymore, can't make you doubt yourself anymore. And I hope you're now doing something you're proud of, that makes you want to be alive, that makes you FEEL alive. And i hope you went to therapy like we always needed. there is no shame in needing a little help. I know you know it now. I really hope you're not settling for anything or anyone that makes you feel less than the sunshine you are, than the good person you are, the intelligent, smart, funny, generous, kind version of you that you kept hiding for years. I hope you're not scared of love anymore. i hope you've learned to trust others a bit more. not everyone wants to hurt you. i hope you stopped doing that thing where you push everyone away when you're hurt. there are people that genuinely care about you, even when you think you have no one. girlie i know all of this sound so cheesy lol, but i know you'll tear up a bit reading this. and then you'll laugh cause you survived everything that your past self didn't think she could. I hope you're healing. you're enough. never forget that. i hope you're proud of who you are becoming. of the people you have close to you. of the energy you give out in the world. of whatever you decide to do with your life (you better be at least financially indipendent GIRL). i hope you made it out of that house and those versions of yourself you couldn't leave behind because you kept living the same life with the same trauma and no possible distance from it. and i'm writing this to you from a dark place, the darkest place i've been since high school, i bet you'll remember. i was so hurt but i know you'll take good care of me, and of yourself, like you always did. you're my best friend and i love you, always. i love you when you're successful but don't let yourself celebrate because you think it's still not enough and anyone can do it, but ***** YOU DID THAT, not them. be proud of it and own it. i love you when you feel like your failures mean you are a failure too. you are not. you are so much more than your failures and your achievements. i love you when you feel the least person worthy of love in the world. i know you're trying so hard and i love you for that. i love you even when you're so tired you can't even try anymore, because just the thought of keep trying it's too tiring. i love you for that too. i love you when you need to rest and let yourself do it without any guilt. it's okay, you need to rest, even if others dont understand why you're tired. i love you when it's so hard to feel like yourself that you don't even recognize yourself in the mirror. listen to yourself, and be there for you. you owe it to you. i love you when you feel your most confident in that outfit you like so much and that makeup you spend so much time on. you're shining and that's what you're supposed to do, that's your nature. glow like only you can do. and i love you for being you in all your brightest and darkest shades, embrace it. no matter what you did or didn't do, whether you think you're too much or not enough. you're enough. always. i will never stop loving you. don't ever forget that, *****. with so much love, your past version of yourself.