A letter from Sep 6th, 2021

dear cathy, if you're still alive in 5 years, then i've witnessed a miracle. not to sound depressing, but i actually want to die, and i hate my ocd so so much. i'm really worried that in 5 years you'll have realized it's not ocd and that stresses me out a *******. so umm, please tell me it was all just ocd and i'm just crazy. please tell me you're a good person, and you're kind to those around you, and you take time to appreciate the little things. it's september, which is my favorite month at the moment, so go outside and crunch on some leaves in a nice park. speaking of which, where do you live?? if i've done the math correctly, you just graduated college. which is very exciting. jobs are fake and dumb and i don't care what you're doing with your life, i just really want to be happy. i want to be ok. i'm making myself cry now, because i really do not think i will ever be on the receiving end of this letter. so, i hope you're happy. you deserve kindness and compassion and all things good in the world. i'm trying to tell that to myself right now and it's really not working, so hopefully you can internalize it. anyways, cheers. i love you, god loves you (are you still religious? you should be), and your family loves you. bye, cathy