A letter from Sep 3rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, HUY HELLO HI GANDA MO PADIN EME AJSHASHAJHSDBJAHBWJEBWAJE charot actually magddrama ako sayo today,, for sure nalimutan mo na din na sinulat ko to pero anyeway ito na nga maglalabas lang ng sama ng loob kasi nagdudusa ka rn hagsjhajhw idk if u're already doing well jan, pero ngayon alam mo ba? AHWAHWGHAW AYON ITO NGA NAUULOL NA KO SA ENHYPEN BAKIT KASI GANTO DI NA KO INTO KPOP THESE DAYS TAS BIGLA AKO NAMAGNET GAGO?????? pero im so glad they came into my life suddenly, sabi nga nila 'best things happens from a mistake' altho hindi siya mistake pero parang nga since fEEL KO NA GUMASTOS SA MGA ALBUMS NILA EH ALAM MO NGA GIPIT TAYO BESTIE??? HINDI TAYO BINIBIGYAN NG MONEY DAHIL ISA LAMANG TAYONG HAMPASLUPANG ANAK NA MAY RESPONSIBILIDAD SA TAHANAN AKJSDAJKWJ so yon going back,, enhypen actually saved you. u often cry a lot abt how u went thru ur life, diba andaming struggles dumating sayo this year? tanginang 2021 yan sumpa pa sa sumpa. u were so tired and drained abt the things going on but u still tried ur best to hang on, specially when enha came. ewan parang naging sila na yung pinakareason why i motivate myself to wake up everyday,, like yung ano i finally found something to look forward in living. i know i have attachment issues like girl sAN KA BA NAGMULA???? SINCE THIS ******* PANDEMIC STARTED NA ATTACH AKO SA ANIME,, EVEN FICTIONAL MEN DI KO PINATAWAD AND I EVEN HALLUCINATE BEING WITH THEM AND SUCH TO THE POINT NA I BECAME DOWN BAD HJADKAHWKEHJWHAK SORRY MAKALAT PERO TRUE YAN XD THEN ITO NA NEXT I GOT ADDICTED IN READING BLS AND YAOI LIKE WHAT THE **** SJDHJAHKJHWAKE ALTHO YEAH NAKAKAPANGSISI NA SA NGAYON HUHUUHHUHU PLEASE HOW DO I REMOVE THIS HABIT OF ME FROM MY PAST SELF LIKE I LITERALLY NEED A THERAPIST THAT TIME BC OF WHAT I DO,, PERO HOW I CAN BLAME MYSELF DIBA MENTALLY UNSTABLE THINGZ ONLY HSJDSHKDHKAD eventually naman ayon tumino ako,, ahahaha ano ba aq lang 2 choz di talaga ako tumino kasi aYON BALIK KPOP PO SI ATE MO OO TAS AYON NGA NAKILALA KO NA YUNG PITONG LALAKING SISIRA NANAMAN NG BUHAY KO HAJKHEKWJEA CHAROT DI PALA SUMIRA BUMUO <3333 TANGINANG POPOGI NILA LAHAT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHBARBARBABRBABARBKAWOWOOWOWO kaso sad ako rn :<< kasi the 5 members got covid and resting rn thankfully naman the rest members which is sunoo and riki are safe. still, im worried for them coz ******* covid is no joke like it literally ****** a lot of ppl,, but to think positively im sure they will get well sooner. my boys are strong and brave, they would def get through this. <333 if they became my pahinga then i'll be with them in their pahinga naman. : )) mag 5-500 words na pero di parin ako tapos tangina ilalabas ko pa lahat ng dinaram*** ko HAWHAWHAGWHAGHW ACTUALLY 1 AM NA NGAYON EH NAGKAPE NAMAN AKO SO WHAT ??? **** ANEMIA GAGO 3 AM NA KO TUTULOG EH AYON as of now kasi worried ako about my new school. i got new classmates but since they came from the same school they were already close,, like i feel so left out sa gc since they talk a lot and comfy with each other. NO COZ I ******* LOVE THEIR HUMOR AND VIBES LIKE THEIR PERSONALITY LITERALLY COMPLIMENTS MINE????? altho im introverted duh tANGINA IDK HOW TO APPROACH THEM HELP SKKSDKSKDKS but some of them maybe 2 ppl approached me first shhjdjhahej kilig kaya ko gago AJDKJWWK lalo na the first girl,, nadine ata name niya oo NADINE NGA basta i like her personality yung tipong willing ako mag paapak hajsajhshahjs wala cute niya lang,, hUY GAGO NOT MY KABAKLAAN SELF SHOWING pero true nga gusto ko siya maging bff xd and i just found out recently that they are not straight either and i was like oOoOoOhOh- AKO LANG BA BC I NOTICE THAT USUALLY SMART PPL ARENT STRAIGHT,, (im not smart naman pero baluktot din maybe di sakin bagay yung concept pero okay) im looking forward to know them better,, sana someday comfy nadin ako makipag chukchakan sa kanila kasi they seems so fun to be with huhu : (( i love my peers sa high school pero yon we need charac development kaya need ko na din ng friends na kaya ako sampalin ng reyalidad hahahwahwha hOY I LOVE MY FRIENDS FROM JHS HA PERO I KINDA DONT FEEL THE VIBES W THEM,, hindi ko sila mamura ******* **** AHGAHWGAHWHAHWHA masyado silang mabait idkkkkkkkkkkk mga anghel in disguise pero alam ko were not that comfy pa talaga in each other. actually i feel like they are only my mutuals lang and we became friends bc we're classmates tas wala na only for that means. BUT WE BOND NAMAN SOMETIMES,, tho not lately bc of this ******* covid nga. I DIDNT EVEN GOT TO ENJOY MY BDAY BC ONE OF THEM REFUSED TAS I CANCELLED NALANG KASI BAKA SHE FEEL LEFT OUT,, AND GUESS WHAT THEY CONTINUED TO MEET UP THAT DAY. pero i cant blame din naman since ako nag resist na if they want to continue then i wont interfere,, hakjwakjw maybe that time kasi tinamad lang din ako and im currently using skincare den so may peeling na ganap sa face ko baka naman mainterview ako ano nanaman ginagawa ko sa mukha kong kabalastugan,, pero i have reasons naman why ... SO TALKING ABOUT SKIN CARE THINGy- oh diba ang haba na shuta no tigil na ata to pero sige tangina sulitin na. AYON I STARTED HAVING BREAKOUTS KASI SINCE THIS PANDEMIC STARTED,,, LIKE PAKING SHET NAGULAT DIN AKO BAKIT ANDAMING PIMPLES LUMABAS SAKIN PERO I SWEAR I DIDNT HAVE NAMAN EVEN ONE WHEN THERES F2F CLASS PA. MAYBE SIGURO START NARIN NG *******??????? ******* NA HINDI AKO TUMANGKAD GAGO ANO YAN SCAM I SPEND A LOT OF MONEY BUYING SKIN CARE PRODS LALO NA YUNG MGA REJUVINATING NA HALOS ISUMPA KO NA DAHIL SOBRANG HAPDI SA MUKHA GAGONG YAN PEDE NANG INSTANT IMPYERNO AMPOTA EFFECTIVE NAMAN SIYA PERO ANO LANG TEMPORARY THEN MONTHS LATER BALIK NA ULIT ACNE KO AJHDHWUHWUEUHU PERO THANKYOU TALAGA RDL SAVED MY LIFE LIKE PUTANGINANG SHET NOT ME SPENDING HUNDREDS OF MONEY PARA MAWALA ACNE KO THEN RDL NA TIG 35 PESOS LANG PALA KATAPAT??????/ ACTUALLY HESITANT PA KO AT FIRST TO USE IT SINCE I HEARD NGA NA MATAPANG SIYA THEN HINDI MAGANDA SA SKIN,, BUT I ONLY USED THE NUMBER 2 KAYA DI NAMAN SIYA GANON KATAPANG KAYA KERI LANG DIN YUNG PEELING,, NEVER I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE ******* EFFECTIVE LIKE GAGOHAJHEJHAWEHJWE ALTHO YES MAY ACNE PA RIN NAMAN LUMALABAS SA FACE KO PERO UNLIKE BEFORE NA TALAGANG ISANG BAKSAKANG AKALA MO TINAYUAN NA NG SAKAHAN SA SOBRANG DAMING TUMUTUBO GRGRGRGRGRGRG PERO THANKYOU RDL TALAGA HUHU LIFE CHANGING <3333 so moving on,, ano pa ba? actually dami ko pang gusto ichika pero 1 am na and i need to go on my bed to sleep char magtitiktok pa talaga ako pero tinatamad na ko magtype and tulog na din mga tao dito. bukas ko nalang siguro itutuloy?????? di mo sure huhhuuh sorry actually inborn na katamaran ko so no cure na xd ayan for the last message,, i hope ur happy kung nasan ka man ngayon ( tanginang drama 1 year lang naman gap gago g12 ka palang teh) sana happy kana sa school mo and u already made a bunch of friends na u were happy to be with,, same goes with ur academic performance. sana ure doing well, im sure u still got those high grades parin bc i believe in u,, na all those anxiety and worries i have rn is the one who will push u to do better!! i never said something to motivate myself pero this time would be an exemption. maybe the world maybe cruel to u for now,, u have a lot of problems and responsibilities to deal with pero guess what?? u're still standing strong and brave!!! i know the struggles youve been into, u always think abt ending it all and just give up on everything,, pero look??? u have done so much progress. ur past self is vvv proud of u!!! looking at ur journey as a kid with those much experiences na u dont even deserve to feel,, imagine how could a 16 yr old girl would handle those?? diba?? that just means na u are so strong. when u feel like no one would believe w u look at me okay? i was here since u were a little. we are one in anything,, if u wont trust urself then who would? alam ko u were so confused and still innocent about anything thats happening like u were so young for life to slap u this ******* hard,, still, its just a phase. see? maybe that time it already ended, maybe it will be good sooner. it will get a lot better. mas okay na jan, mas happy na. u wont feel those things na u felt today. i know u are tired but please hang on, we need to get rich pa diba?? u will adopt many pets pa diba??? sabi mo pa nga di ka ikakasal bc of the traumas u went trough hawhagghsah natauhan ka na bc of ur dad. altho id wanna talk abt my dad on this bc im still sensitive abt my thoughts hahwahwha,, so yon. please be patient on everything, kaya mo yan. kakayanin! isipin mo ngayon i'm currently im at worst pero im still trying to hang on,, pano pa kaya ikaw jan? for sure u already have the charac development ahahshahsah. aww i still wanna say a lot of things pero im gonna end this na mag 2 am na gagi di ko napansin. i love you self, we can do this! trust me, it will be better. you will be fine. happy, someday. smile! kaya mo to! kaya natin to. : ) <333 - loving from ur 17 yr old self - written on sept 3 ; 1:32 am