A letter from Aug 30th, 2021

Dear Future Me, Hey. Just wanted to let you know that once again your lovely mother managed to ruin your happiness even at a time like this when you are finally feeling good after a year of putting up with so much **** (parents separating in a very toxic and heartbreaking way, national exams to get into uni, daily mental breakdowns in the bathroom, figuring out who you are and what you want from life and yourself, huge emotional pain from a boy that wasn't worth it eventually etc etc) and managing to get into the School of Fine Arts to study art theory and history (aka what you wanted from the beginning to which she was OBVIOUSLY opposing). Honestly this woman is either too good at gaslighting or it really is all your fault (Although I highly doubt that to be honest). She said that you are just like your father. Eccentric, rude, selfish, aggressive. She always finds a way to get under your skin and she insults you all the time and then she says "I was just joking, don't take everything personally!" Yeah she likes hurting people A LOT but she never gives herself the credit. Such a shame because she is really good at it. Anyway, I came here to make a point. If this is still happening at the time you are reading this letter then remember that unconditional love, respect and lifelong companionship should only be given to people that earn and deserve it. And no that's not selfish. And even if it is, even if it looks and sounds selfish to her then who the **** cares? You only have yourself at the end of the day. You owe most things to you because you are the one putting up with her (and everybody else's ******** at this point), you are the one who works towards your goals, not her. You are the one who made it this far, not her. Remember how she's literally the person that didn't want you to become an actress and would just ignore everything you told her about how you have to make a decision about whether you'd attend the ******* theatre classes you discussed with that well known director or not. And she is also the person that wouldn't let you take vocal lessons at the beginning. God. Yes you owe her a lot, sure. She raised your sister alone and she endured much pain as well when your father left but her struggles don't make yours any less valid. So if her "love" is still suffocating you then find the power to walk away. I know it sounds hard and the thought of her reaction scares you but please bear in mind that guilt tripping does not mean she is right this time. Love, 18 year old you. P.S. I hope you have found people that love you the same as you love them and others, either romantically or not. You have one now actually! Her name is Stella, she's your best friend. You may forget that she's there for you sometimes but believe me she is. But even if you haven't found such people IT'S OKAY!!! Things might not work out immediately but I promise you they will. Just DON'T LOSE HOPE!! Never forget that. You still have your extraordinary self to love as hard as you can.