A letter from Aug 29th, 2021

Dear the one and only I sit here now and imagine that by the time I am you I’ll be in a safe place, where my sanity can be sheltered kept safe from your invasive madness. See when I look back at us now I realise how much of my life has been dedicated solely to others, there’s been countless situations, people, places that I feared, although this may not be your liability I wanted you to understand how their sole existence has devoured my precious time and I resent myself for it. The strangest contradiction in my life currently is the fact I know what I’m doing is wrong but my soul feeds off the felling of self denial and regret, sidetracked but am I still stuck on a man that’ll never love me back? Or do I still feel the need for constant validation in order to help heal my insecure mind? It’s hard to admit when you truly need help because you never noticed the change through your past few months and it’s slowly creeped in and has now become part of your identity, it’s merely an unfortunate phase right? I’m finding comfort in writing to you knowing that you know that gut wrenching feeling? The one You tried endlessly to escape, the one that consumed you continuously making you feel useless or deemed unworthy but it was no use for you cannot escape yourself. Anyways question time lol, did you eventually decide enough was enough and start working on yourself? Did you do well in school? Where are you now? Did you ever get a boy friend? Did you ever find out if that friend of your liked you? Did you get over him? Are you truely happy? Did you ever get to go to nyc? Are you going to marry a rich man? Do you still have friends? If so are any of them the ones your friends with currently?