A letter from Aug 29th, 2021

dear whoever you are at time of reading this, are you still alive? i doubt you’ll actually make it. my given name is charlie, but i go by meer. i don’t really care about pronouns, so i tell people i use any of them when i actually know it/its are my favourite. i’m writing this on 29/08/2021 at 3:45 am. meer will be starting school tomorrow. we’re going into 10th grade. i smoked my first blunt a few days ago. i also got drunk fr a few days ago. it felt good. hey, whoever you are when you read this, do you still wish you were me? do you miss finding comfort in being alone and depression? or are you still in the same mental state? god, if you still are the way i am now, and you’ve been for the past for years, you probably won’t be reading this. but that’s okay, it’s been the plan for a while now. what’s keeping me alive right now is my fixation on bungo stray dogs. you had a tiktok account with more than 1k on it, fully dedicated to bsd. it’s your current favourite anime. your favourite food is water. your favourite colour is black, but when people deem it not a colour, for it being an absence of light, you say red. meer liked no longer human by osamu dazai and goodnight punpun. your favourite songs are pink in the night by mitski, hades in the dead of winter by my dead girlfriend, my alcoholic friends by the dresden dolls, who is she by i monster, eight wonder by lemon demon and bernadette by IAMX, but you can just log back in your old spotify account and you’ll find all that. we all know you don’t have any sense of self so you make it up with jokes. just imagine being you. what even are you? can you call yourself a human being when you don’t feel anything? you don’t feel anything when people die, so what qualifies you as a human? hey, tell me, did you find meaning to life? don’t lie to me, we both know you already know. we both know the meaning of life is *****, so why don’t you hurry it up? you’re legal now, so overdosing would be easy. the least painful way seems to be throwing yourself off a cliff, so, well, you should go do that. or what, are you okay now? but are you really? are you happy or is it fake? stop lying to yourself. you’re not even real. do you actually think being aro ace and agender is valid? god you are actually disgusting me. so hey, dear whoever you’ve become, please find comfort in the dark, find friends in boredom. happy 18th birthday. -meer