A letter from Aug 28th, 2021

Hello FutureMe. By the time you get this message you will be 24 y/o.. This year was very unexpected. I decided to take a year off after the few months of entering year 2. It was challenging and my motivation was not quite there .. So I took a year off. Here is how my year went.. (2020-2021) Lets divide this into: Happy moments, struggles, love, family/friends, career, and goals: #1: HAPPY MOMENTS - Christmas was my favourite part of the year. This winter we didn't have a lot of snow. We celebrated Christmas at Carmen's house with an amazing dinner prepared by Jas and mom.. with a night of gift opening. This years gift essential were clothes. Mom, dad, gpa and yeema got new clothes. Me and carm chipped in to buy gma a foot cleaner machine haha. - LOTS OF SLEEPOVERS.. slept over at carm and Jas's house a lot - Met new ppl: Jackle, eben, jess were rlly great. I am glad I met them :) - got two tattoos from Joanna at 8inks! - Spent a lot of time with friends over the summer (night walks, random drives, patios/bars, rec room) - I went to London with friends the week before school started - Montana came back to work after taking a few months - I purchased a reusable film camera and started a film page on vsco - cottage with friends (stole the house owners food by mistake and kayaked for a good 2 hours by myself) - convinced carm and Jas to get their ears pierced with me - exploring dt alone + w/ friends - Niagara with friends (we used our tickets to redeem 4 toy story piggy banks) - Carm switched programs (nursing twins!) - Jess came back to Toronto after awhile and we all went to Dukes bar for $4 shots - lots of patio !! #2: STRUGGLES I developed a routine for the first few months to exercise as much as I could. I was not happy with my body and I decided to push myself to lose some weight. I started over with my caloric deficit and started running around the track at Bethune. I would run as much as I could, despite working a full-time job dt. Some days I would slack off. Other days I would push myself to lose over 1000 calories. I took progress photos, and overtime I lost some weight .. however I was not 100% satisfied still. Some days I would cry looking at myself in the mirror hoping I could be skinnier. Sometimes I would try to point out things I liked about my body. Throughout my life I have struggled with body dysmorphia and unhealthy eating habits. Sucking my stomach throughout the class in elementary. Eating one meal a day during middle school. To fluctuating from binge eating one day and starving the other during high school. Although I struggle, I have gotten much better with my eating portions. I hope by now you have learned to LOVE YOUR BODY for who you are and appreciate how strong your body is. Learn to eat healthier and eat when you're hungry. Your body needs fuel, so pls nourish and love your body for what it can do. #3: LOVE Although I was still hung up on my previous relationship in 2020, overtime I learned to love myself. It wasn't an easy journey, but I seemed to find peace within my own company. Needless to say, I am in no rush for a relationship and I accepted that being single doesn't make you lonely person. If anything, being single has brought me closer to family. From time to time I have reflected on my previous relationship - what I need to do better and what I am looking for in someone. Lessons were learned, but I am glad to slowly be apart of this self love journey that I hope will gradually grow into further connection and love within myself. Although it gets lonely sometimes, and I wish to be loved by someone, I need to understand overtime that in the end it will be just ME, MYSELF, and I. I hope to be able to open up my struggles and genuinely have a deep conversation with someone I trust (family or not family related) But to the future me, if you do end up finding someone who truly appreciates and cares for you.. don't forget that you can never depend on someone else for your happiness. Love yourself and equally give love to your partner. p.s. love yourself more tho ;) #4: FAMILY + FRIENDS Family is great. Although mom struggled with cancer, the doctors came with great news that the cancer is nearly gone, and surgery is soon to come. I am grateful that her recovery period was fast, and I hope till this day she is healthy and happy. Dad is working his butt off and is even waking up early to drive me to work. He brings sushi home for me, bc he knows I like to eat them occasionally. You should be more grateful for him and appreciate the struggles he endures for you. Learn to not fight with him bc when you guys fight, mom is hurting too. Little bro is growing up fast and is being very independent himself. Teach him and guide him through his future and help him when he needs. I hope gma and gpa are safe and healthy. Don't easily forget about them, bc they were apart of taking care of you growing up. When you have the chance, visit them and bring them lots of fruits. Keep their house clean and take lots of photos and videos when you get the chance. Although I am not religious at all, I pray that my family is all safe and are in good health. Our friend group from high school to now (summer of 2nd yr) has become a smaller subgroup. As a part of growing up, comes the responsibility of adulthood. Many of my friends and myself have different priorities rn (jobs, relationships, careers). As hard as it is to see everyone grow up and separate, I wish that we will still stay in touch in the future. I hope to be able to look back in a few years and say "remember in high school" or "remember summer of 2020 when..". Nevertheless you should learn to keep in touch with your friends after awhile. Ask how they are doing, and see whether they reciprocate the feelings back. Know that you will not be their #1 priority, so make as much memories as you can while you're young. Love hard, make people smile, resolve conflicts, and never hold a grudge with anyone. Life is too short for hate. Move on and enjoy each others company .. while you can. Learn to spend more time with family than friends. Friends will always somehow end up being temporary, but family will always be with you. Learn to hangout with family and have them in your presence. Don't forget them and leave so easily. Friends are amazing too, but you need to take in that you are not their priority. #5: CAREER As I am entering yr 2 again, I have met a lot of students doing a "clinical externship" with hospitals. This is similar to placements, but you get paid. I am afraid of applying this year with zero experience. I got placed at a LTC at sunny brook hospital. I look forward to this placement, and I hope I learn a lot for the future. Hopefully with more opportunities, I will be able to apply for an externship and be one step closer to my goal of being a future RN. I pray I do well this year.. FIGHTING! p.s. even though you want to have a good future.. take each day at a time. Be glad that you are present in this day and don't think too far ahead of your future. #6: GOALS - learn about stocks, or start investing your money - do well in school, and in the future.. score an externship - hopefully make enough money to move out soon or buy a car? - graduated and is studying for NCLEX - have at least travelled outside of Canada (to Korea or Japan?) #7: OTHER - I deactivated by ig account (currently it has been more than 4 months since I have used my original account). tbh adjusted very well to it. It was a good cleanse - I got very tan lmao (Apple Watch tan) - started my journey of wearing coloured contacts - room redecorating - hopefully I meet a good group of friends in school I PRAY MY MEMORY IS STILL GOOD. Thank you 2020-2021 for a crazy and fun year. I wish to continue appreciating myself and the people around me. Good luck with school, and I wish all the best to 19 y/o you :) <3 May each year you give less ***** and live life to the fullest. - Y