A letter from Aug 26th, 2021

Dear Future Me, I think I still struggle to love myself daily. I think I do fight with myself with and without knowing. I think I still am my worst enemy. I think sometimes I feel like I'm okay but I still think a big part of me is trembling in the darkness of the room. I promise you I'm trying so hard to make you happy, I'm trying day by day to pick up my broken pieces and find salvation and the happier things in my life. To say the least, I did what I've wanted to do the most. Just last week Tuesday, August 17. 2021 I got my license. Something that I've been wanting and crying over ever since I can remember. And, this letter is going to be a mess, I just know it. Nothing ever is consistent for me, but that's okay, you're not one to judge. I fell quickly, in the recent months I met someone, he's a couple of years older but I feel like I've known him forever. I don't know if you end up with him, if you do, please show him this letter. I feel like I've loved him with every ounce of my 17-year-old heart. I feel like I'm tied to him, everything in our lives seems to intertwine in the worst of ways. Things aren't exactly working in our favor though, despite us feeling the same way for each other and feeling the instant attraction towards each other in person, the universe just seems to be letting us drag everything on longer than what I think we deserve. And, I hope that he's actually trying as hard as he's telling me that he is. I've had my heart broken a couple of times but I always question if that heartbreak is real because it never seems to be as hurtful as they say it is in the books and movies. I haven't stopped trusting people, all in all, I still look at the bright things in life, I still go out and talk to people even when I feel like I've been suffering from a long and ugly bleed. I don't know, maybe that's how heartbreak is for us, for those who want their happy ending but aren't certain the universe is working for them, those who think they're forgotten by the very powers of this earth. Before I end this off (I wonder if you still get impatient when writing these kinds of letters, like I am now) I want to tell you how proud and how loved you are. I love you with all my heart can bear. I love you with all the strength I've been sent with to this earth. I know that you're the very soul that my parents once lost this very week 23 years ago. I love you, forever and always, to the stars and the galaxy forever.