A letter from Aug 26th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Wow hi. Um a lot has changed since the last letter I sent. And I mean a lot... It's been almost 3 months without your father and I'm sure you wouldn't have imagined how things would turn out when you wrote your letter last year. Thinking back you had two pretty good months before that, I think that was when I started developing my actual personality and I started feeling more confident and comfortable. I realized just how much I love taking pictures and make-up and wow I had so much fun. I still can't believe that November though. It was just awful. It was the most painful and tear jerking month up until that point. And it affected what was to come. This year I thought was going to be different. It started fine, I was actually enjoying myself and I was having fun, we even did a few road trips and I thought there were more to come. Then everything went sour and from March it was all downhill from there. I still don't know how you dealt with that. How your family dealt with that. You would constantly write in your journal about how you wanted to have some peace and joy to deal with any more sickness. I would think that the only way for that to come true was if your father was gone. I can't believe that's what it happened. During those months I didn't see an easy way out, I just couldn't see a positive ending for all of that. It still saddened me of course cause who wants to go though all that? For some reason I tend to wish to go back to that first week cause everything seemed a little bit easier. Things haven't gotten so difficult. I miss my father. I miss the security that we felt having him by our sides. It feels like we are on our own now. So much went down that I don't even know if I have fully processed everything. August has been weird. You were so pressured to not fail this one class everyone struggles with but you passed! I still can't believe it. You also got your first vaccine so that's good. You were urgent of getting it let me tell you. You're on vacation now and you know that vacations are kinda weird for you. You definitely are going through it with your anxiety. I still find it hard to accept that it's always there only sometimes is better and sometimes it's worst. This are weird days for you. Nightmares definitely get you very nervous and you still don't know how to handle that. You're are overall on a weird place mentally but I know you try to get better. I know how much it means to you. Your friendships are okay I guess. You are kinda beefing with one of them and the time apart has made you realize that they don't treat you that well and you don't feel comfortable with their companion. You don't know how to stop being friends with someone so it's confusing honestly. With that other friend (you know who) I think you have started to accept how things are now. It still does hurt a little bit sometimes but you're finally letting go of some of that resentment, which is good. You have also been writing a little bit more, but you're taking it slowly. Still you feel very proud of the things you have written this days. Overall life is very different now. It's scary. You have been hoping times goes by faster cause you want it to be Christmas already. I think it is because that's your comfort month and your life is weird at the moment but please believe that you will get thorough this. Please try to enjoy life more and don't loose yourself in nostalgia. Be nice to yourself help yourself when you obviously need it. You gotta be your biggest supporter, your #1 fan. Show up for yourself how you show up for others. Take care, please. Much luv, u.