A letter from Aug 26th, 2021

future me, I’m about to start 10th grade in a week, I feel like I should be more nervous but I’m not really. My older sisters gonna go to college soon and honestly I don’t feel that upset about that either. Everything just seems kinda not a big deal i don’t know. I have to perform for the first time tomorrow with drumline at school orientation and I’m pretty nervous. That’s kinda it. Everything kinda seems boring right now. Either boring or exhausting I guess. I can’t put much effort into anything which is sorta worrying. I should be reading my summer assignment book right now and I’m not. Not being able to move my old furniture out of my room is really frustrating right now. I just wish I could get rid of this old furniture. I’m really desperate to but I feel selfish talking about it. I think I really wanna seem interesting and cool. I don’t have any friends right now and I can barely talk to people. I wish people would just come to me to talk. I might weird them out or be annoying though and that’s what im worried about. Right now my favorite album is yankee hotel foxtrot by the way. I’m also struggling a lot right now just with feeling so bored all the time. I waste all my time playing games or watching stuff, and I feel guilty about, and do it again. It’s so dumb but for some reason I just can’t do anything else. I hope by now you’ve found something you like. Maybe you’ve got a bunch of teacups and sunglasses like a collection that I really want to have right now. Maybe you’re doing worse. Maybe sometime I’ll start cutting myself again and I’ll get worse. It’s really hard not too. Only thing stopping me is the fear others will see it. And at the same i time i sorta wish someone would notice right now. That’d cause so much trouble though and mom would be really sad and stuff. That would be annoying of me. I really hope that I got into a college I liked and found something I liked to do. I hope I got better at piano and guitar and I did well in school. I really really hope I have good friends. Right now I feel really alone and I just want that to end. I hope I got better at talking to people, read a lot more, and started being passionate about stuff again. The past years just been boring and I forget the friends I’ve had and stuff we did. Please remember to be tolerant, think before speaking or acting, and honest. I know I can struggle a lot with being honest. Hope you enjoyed reading this, Past you