A letter from Aug 21st, 2021

hello amy from the future, Right now things are a little"" confusing. You're supposed to start going to UCI in a few weeks now and I don't know how to feel about it. I've worked for this moment for a long time but it just seems forced now. It's like "yay I made it to college and now I have to go because it's what my parents have worked so hard for." I don't even even know my own fashion style since I literally have to ask permission to wear any t-shirt or jeans. It's just so tiring sometimes like I don't even know who I am. My mom questions why I can never seem to speak up for myself but every time I try she shuts me down. I don't know. But I guess I don't have a right to complain since I was literally questioning whether the ball of mass in my **** was cancerous or not, not even a month ago. I am extremely grateful that it wasn't though one of the scariest moments of my life I can't even begin to describe the fear, stress, and sadness of the not knowing what was wrong with my body felt like. Mom got mad because we didn't apply to get a dorm this year but she doesn't even know what I went through mentality/emotionally; it was the most broken I have ever been; I lowkey think I was depressed for at least 5 months...maybe even a year. The only thing that got me through it was God because not gonna lie I felt like giving up at one moment. God was the only one that was there for me when I cried on the bathroom floor, when I cried myself to sleep, or even when I was holding back tears while I walked through store aisles. You're probably thinking what a crybaby right but this was hard on you. But in the end it made you one of the strongest females I know and it also made you an adrenaline junkie so there's some pros ooo there's also that cool 2 inch scar...your future hubby better think its as cool as you think it is. I hope you ended up going aviation or law enforcement route for sure though, because currently you can't decide between either lmao. Hows Jason? Is he still stubborn? lol. Did he end up leaving to Arizona? Did Rosas end up getting that weird rooster tattoo? Were you Hailey's bridesmaid? I have a feeling she got married already haha. Please tell me you and Mel are still amigis and did she end up becoming a DI ? ( I really hope, she's a badass ). ALGODON/LOMO/FIRE!/BABY PORDIOSERO/MY BABY, still better be alive! Despite everything I said about my parents they are my motivators and the people I work my booty off for. My parents the bestest of friends I could ask for, I would do anything and everything for them and I will always always love them with all of my heart. HONOR THEM. One piece of advice that I can give you is live your freaking life! Go on adventures, make new friends, and explore new things but at the same time don't throw away your future. You definitely have potential to make it. Of course as long as you have God by your side and he establishes you plans you have no one to fear for the creator of the universe is your right hand. You're a strong independent female that doesn't need a man to be happy for your joy comes from the Lord not a silly male. You're beautiful inside and out please never stop being kind and humble towards others. Always strive to be thy alpha of anything you do and put forth your best work. Just know i'm rooting for you! Yes me..five years in the past telling you to keep going! You got this female! Love you a ton! The Lord is with you mighty warrior!