A letter from Aug 20th, 2021

Dear person who reads this. I think I ****** myself. So hello to whoever still checks my emails. ... You weirdo haha. Also don't you dare scroll down to the ao3 notification emails I got a few months ago lmao. Anyway I'm dead so let's just get to the point; so many people always ask me why I never want to have children and the answer is right here: Every day I have to live in anxiety and pain and in this disgusting world, that has treated me like **** ever since I arrived here. Seriously she has no chill. Every time I think I got it under control it just hits me harder and drags me down deeper, to the deepest depths of nothingness. I know I can be dramatic. But the point is I would never force someone else to be here. I hate everything about life so much, why would I give this to someone else? Also I hate myself so ******* much, I don't think I could ever love a human that is basically just like me. Well, I have to go now, I have like 3 hours left to sleep I'll be dead tomorrow at school (did you get it? "I'll be dead?" hahaha sorry I had to) I'm scared. Of staying here and leaving. Being dead or alive. Both scare me. I'm just stuck in anxiety and pain. And I have been for so many years. But for now I'm just going to sleep. And pray that one day everything just stops. Yours sincerely, Lune d'avril.