Where are you now....?

Dear Wendy, Jack is down for a nap....how many times I've looked in at his little sleeping face this last hour. He is growing so fast, it's hard to believe that he'll be a year old in March. You have so many hopes and dreams for him. I wonder how many will come true. Did he grow up strong and independent, but yet sensitive to the feelings of others? Did you instill in him the values you wanted to make sure he grew into a good person? Is he in college? Working? Married? Children of his own?.....dear Lord, what a thought. Right at the moment, I can't imagine being a grandmother. Whatever he is doing or who he has become.. remember when he was 9 months old and how he used to look at you with such undying love in his eyes, two little teeth in his big gummy smile. Remember that you will always be his mommy and what you went through to bring him into the world. Remember the tears you're shedding just writing this email. I know you'll never forget these moments even though your recollection may fade with age. It's important that I remind you, though. I hope you're remembering to tell your wonderful husband how much you love him every day and how thankful you are to have found him. You are so lucky to have your little family. I know that at the moment you're not loving yourself, but remember that everyone around you does. You'll get to the place you want to be eventually. It will take some time, and I know by the time you're reading this you've gotten there, but even if you haven't be happy anyway...there are worse things in life. Think about the place you were when you wrote this. 35 years old...married to an amazing man for 11 years with a gorgeous 9 month old baby boy that adores you. Remember that your Grandmother is the other most important person in your life and how you cry just thinking about living without her. I know she isn't with you now, but think of how much she loved you. You were always her favorite. Miss her daily and remember the wonderful times you had with her. Hopefully, you are back in the place you once loved and are happier than you've ever been before. Enjoy your time with Alan. Kiss him and tell him you love him every single day. Hold Jack close whenever you can, even if he's a grown man and thinks his mom is a little weird. Tell him you love him every day. Always, Always, Always remember Wendy, you're a good person and loved by so many people. Don't be so hard on yourself all the time. Love yourself.