A letter from Aug 12th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, wow. highschool is over!! you did it!! you’re 8th grade self is so proud of you! if you decided to go to that new school i really hope you made friends or even found a partner maybe? i’m currently stressing about it and scared i won’t make any friends. did you ever end up moving to florida?? i’m sort of iffy about it right now since i kinda want to stay here and make some friends and not have to move after one year. since you will be receiving this message in five years i guess i will have to fill you in on some current events. I’m still not over her. i try to hard to be but i think about her everyday. I really don’t know how to process these feelings if i’m honest. is it love? i don’t know. don’t read this next part around anybody in case you aren’t out yet. have you figured out what your ********* is?? i have absolutely no idea. i want to experiment when i get to the new school but then that also gives me some issues about how i look and my weight. will i be good enough for anybody to love me? i have no idea whether or not i’m even pretty. most compliments i feel like are just lying to me. but maybe you had a major glow up and u just look amazing. a person can dream. sometimes i fantasize about being in a relationship but i keep getting pulled back to reality which is something i don’t like to do. so i guess my question is did you ever gain confidence lose that weight on your chin and did you find love? wow five years that’s a long time. you might even be in college by the time your receiving this. IM 14 AND YOURE 18 WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! how does it feel?? i guess i should get a little personal since you are me anyway and face the facts. you may not be alive to read this message. it’s a very really possibility. going to this new school is either going to make me or break me. i really don’t want it to break me. i don’t think i’ll be able to handle anything more given the issues i already have i don’t need anymore. so if you’re in a dark place right now remember your 14 year old self wants you to push through it. if you end up not remembering this note i’ll try to jog your memory. it is currently 9:38 PM August 11th, 2021 and you’ll be reading this in 2026??? that’s insane where did all of the time go. anyway, i’m sitting in my gray office chair in front of my computer writing this on my Iphone 11. i went through some of my old things and began to feel nostalgic and you know how much i love that. i need to wash my hair but i’m neglecting it. i ripped up that photo of her and threw it in the trash as some sort of “moving on” declaration but i’m still waiting for a text back from her. i don’t want to be her friend i just… idk i kind of just think it of what it would’ve been like if i stayed at that school. it was toxic but it was kinda because of me. i feel like reaching out sometimes is supposed to prove my maturity for some reason even though i feel like it’s being read as desperate by others. i’m trying to think of where my siblings will be in 5 years. my oldest sister will maybe be a psychologist or she might just stay as a nail artist and hair dresser. i don’t know what anybody else wants to do but you probably will. right now i want to be a zoologist but maybe you changed your mind? idk. i don’t really have much else to say i guess just i hope you’re alive and well and doing what you love with the people you love! bye!