A letter from Aug 11th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, So, you've turned 26+ and this is your 21+ who's writing to you how she feels about things. Nowadays when I see youngsters falling in love, broken in love, chasing a person over their careers or a passion and mature ones who had years long relationships and still broke up, married ones who made their parents to agree for their marriage but now they themselves feels suffocated and finally end up getting divorced, and those old couples like my parents are still in marriage but they fight like enemies they've lost that spark in their relationship, seeing all of this makes me feel "old" as I'm a 50 years old lady who's only waiting for rainy days and counting the days till her final day in this universe arrive. Me, your 21(y/o)self who evolved as a hopeless romantic girl, who've been writting poems, believing in soulmates, been waiting for the "special one" has lost in the space, she is lost and probably not gonna be back. Wait wait! Please don't think I'm a heartbroken, coz I'm not! Or Maybe I am but nobody has broken my heart, it's only my new stage evolution and there's no going back. I genuinely feel sorry for spoiling your early 20s but you too are aware that you are born this way "an old soul, an INFJ, too Weird". It's not that I don't want love actually it's the most important thing in my life but I'm just done with witnessing the same cycle of emotions.... first the most lovely feeling, High dopamine- oxytocin, butterflies, blush, long cute texts, surprises, and all then comes that "plain phase" everything gets less and lesser, then this phase comes where you don't even share that you were sick for a whole week to the person you used to share how was your day. All of this Honey, this shattered my heart, my innocent hopeless romantic heart and now I'm no longer interested to get into such a "cycle of emotions" again, just not!! You know I turned into such a cold girl that when someone says that he loves me, what i do? I just told them "it's a phase and this too will be passed, Don't worry" and this actually happens that phase passes away. Or I simply ghost that person, I'm being addictive to ghosting people, I remember them, I see them in my dreams or in my photo gallery but I don't talk to them, I became such a cold girl. I became so comfortable in walking alone that I wish for nobody when I wanna go out I just do, I go out with myself, eat alone, cry alone, take care of myself by my own, doesn't share my goals my dreams with anyone, doesn't share my poems with anyone, I'm feeling like I've lived for hundreds years already. Is this how a 21 y/o supposed to feel like? It's not a mood it's a wholesome character I'm evolved into since I turned 20. What all am I hoping is for you to have at least one gentleman whom you've kissed, with whom you've been to music concert, with whom you've went for star gazing, with whom you've went on a mountain trip, before whom you've cried your heart out when you were sad, to whom you've read your poems, who clicked your pictures (most of them are not perfect to post but still) who gaze at you when you both are traveling in metro or just sitting few metres away from each other, may you meet the gentleman to whom you can explain how Weird your mood swings are and who actually listen to you. That's all I want, that's all I wish, that's all I hope. May you meet him when you're 26 and if not yet then please do cry while reading it like you're already doing, now get ready in a beautiful **** dress, go out buy a delicious meal, eat a lot, have a chocolate, travel alone in the City, take pictures post pictures and do everything you want to okay?? Then write a letter to your 30y/o self. Take a huuuug and much love as you deserve ♥️