A letter from Aug 10th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, hey girl, you have made it SOO ******* FAR!! Right now you are single, lonely and on hard days, not sure your liking the degree you chose to do (reminder incase things changed dramatically-- its a psych degree). Most days you are anxious about the idea of having to get up and study and finding a balance between the difficult brain overload and having to complete content. But you're doing amazingly!! the girl from last trimester has learnt to tackle things quickly when they arise, and that boundaries need to be in place - for myself/sanity/me time and for others - friendships, family and working our work/life/uni balance. im about to cut back to two working days a week while i work out some stuff for me. i need to be kind to myself and at the moment it means getting into a better headspace - which will require more time and reflection to move forward - so less work will give that to me while i can take the opportunity. You were hoping to be coupled up with an amazing man by now. but alas, you know you have to dedicate time to uni and that will pay off. Esther hicks says to pay attention to one thing, rather than splitting your energy. so i am working on that currently (started today haha). it paid off today to be in the flow and not pupsh myself soo much or be anxious about accomplishing things - to just do things when i felt it adn have some breaks here and there - i even got time to do some little creative exercises today!! anyway, i wanted to remind myself in 5 years how amazing i am. i up'd and moved myself from forbes (forbes - dubbo - briasbane and then gc), without the life i thought i had started with Matt, with a broken and hurting heart and having to get a new job and navigate the "scary" concept of uni. This was defintely not what you had pictured for your life. But if theres anything you need to be proud of is that you MADE IT!! you made the decision and stuck with it throughout that difficult relationship and continued the journey without him and had to do it all alone. and you took each step with as much grace and integrity as you could - and thise things came easy becasue this was your dream. you never thought you could go to uni and here you are getting up everyday and making your future happen. even every tear and meltdown and ACHIEVEMENT (what you focus on most), is a bloody celebration because cailin 5 years ago at 25 would havent have seen this coming!! so i wanted to tell you how much i love you now, for pushing through, but its also a love for who i am now writing this letter, accepting the hard stuff but always embracing the new and ever changing you and just going for it!! i am soo excited to see where this path takes me and how i navigate it. and of course, who i will meet along the way ;) Love always, another version of you who still loves life as fiercely as you do now, but from a less knowing state, but finding a vibration to that of where you are now! -Cai 10th august 2021