A letter from Aug 9th, 2021

Dear Future Lars, I think I'm a bad person. I've done so many ****** things. Smoking and hiding it from mom and dad. Drinking with Jal when I knew she had an alcohol problem, and then letting her believe it was okay, that I wanted to do it again. Trying to hook up with RM - he's my ex's best friend, for ****'s sake - and justifying it with that whole "ignorance is bliss" mentality. Being pushy with S. Being in love with H for like a year even though I knew he was in love with S, that he'd never be with me. Being such an ungrateful ***** to my parents. I think I've really devolved into a ****** person that does ****** things and only thinks about herself. I was so spoiled as a kid, I got everything I wanted, and now I think I can still get everything I want with no consequences. But I can't. And it's only a matter of time until RM tells my ex I asked to hook up, or Mama smells the tobacco on my breath, or all my friends leave me behind because I just do ****** things. I stir up drama for the fun of it. And it is fun, I hate to say. I like drama. I like spiciness. God, I feel like Georgina Sparks. I feel like I ****** up Jal's progress with the drinking. I took a train all the way to see her, and I let her family treat me, and then I got her drunk and she puked in the toilet and I almost didn't hold her hair back. All I do is lie and **** and laugh my way through life, and throw myself and my money around, and take advantage of the security my life brings me. The consequences are finally catching up, thank ****. People are starting to catch on to the fact that I'm ******. Manipulative. Bubbly but malicious. Mean, rude, sarcastic and spoiled. i really hope, Lars, in five years when you get this, you won't be the same. I hope you're better, and sweeter. I hope Jal and S forgave you. I hope if RQ finds out you tried to **** his best friend he forgives you too. I hope you forgive yourself. And if not, try your **** hardest to actually be good. Give your money to charity. Volunteer at soup kitchens or something. I dunno. Be kind. Hope & love. Lars 9/8/21