A letter from Aug 8th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hi girl, it’s me...19 year old you. I want to paint a picture of exactly what’s happening in your mind right now. In the deepest of your feelings, you’re lonely. Right there are so many people around you - friends, family, men who are vying for your affection- but you feel alone and that nobody truly understands you. Also, you’re experiencing overwhelming amounts of discontentment and shame - you’re studying something you don’t love (or even care about) and it’s making you extremely miserable. You’re also not proud because you feel like a disappointment to yourself and to your family, your mom often has to lie to her friends because she’s ashamed and doesn’t feel like it’s good enough - you don’t feel like you’re good enough. You’re also battling with your confidence, your self -consciousness is crippling...you’re insecure when you interact with people, you don’t feel good enough, you often settle for things because you feel like that’s all you’re good for. You don’t have an active social media because you fear being perceived...you fear people seeing what you truly believe of yourself- that you’re not worth the likes and that everybody is better than you. You seek validation from others much more than you would like to believe and you make up stories to make yourself more interesting than you believe you already are. Your family life is in shambles, your mom and dad are constantly going back and forth with each other - she’s drinking excessively to numb the pain and they are drifting even further apart and this is affecting you, as strong as you are. You guys are falling even deeper into poverty, you’re ashamed of where you come from and how your home looks and you’re pushing people away because you fear they might discover your situation and judge you for it and you escape your home situation every chance you get.But through all of this, you remain grateful and hopeful. This evening, you and your little brother had a manifestation session...during this session you let go of all of the burden, pain and insecurities. I hope that by the time you read this again, the feelings expressed earlier are a forgotten memory. I hope that you are more confident, I hope that you believe in yourself more and that you completely let go of other people’s perceptions of you. I have been working to make you feel more confident in your own skin, more knowledge, healthier and happier. I have started the gym and am working to becoming more consistent, I have started reading more books - hoping I can revive your passion for writing , literature and life in general that has been dead due to the lack of nurture. I have started being more aware of the things I put into my body, being more active , grooming myself and taking care of my skin, teeth and hair- I hope this pays off. I hope you surround yourself with love always. I hope the friends you have are supportive, reliable and loyal. I hope they never make you lonely and that they bring out the best in you. I hope that you’ve found the love of your life. Somebody that makes you excited. Someone you want to experience life with, someone who supports you, listens to you, adores you and is always there for you. I hope he realises what he’s got and never stops working for it. I hope he never gets tired of you and you never get tired of him. I hope he thrills you, I hope he’s just as passionate, I hope he accepts you fully- the real you. I hope he brings out the passion in you and never tries to dim your light but always makes you shine brighter. I hope he devotes himself entirely to you. I hope you treat him with kindness and give him your best. I hope you love each other for years to come. I hope your home situation improves...or that you atleast learn to accept it and be comfortable with it. Be proud of where you come from...it’s made you the personality you are today. I hope you have wealth in abundance, that you’re able to afford a comfortable lifestyle and give yourself all the things you didn’t have as a kid. I hope that your career is thriving, that you’ve managed to flip things around and go for everything you’ve ever dreamed of. I hope you’re working towards leaving a mark on this world and that you have many achievements to look back on. Please tell me you’re pursuing your masters? Or better yet - you already have them? If not , that’s okay but I need you to know that you were destined for greatness. You have been given so many opportunities to be great and it would be a shame for you not to tap into that. If you’ve somehow found your passion and it doesn’t align with studying further then that’s also perfect too, as long as you’re fulfilled...or working towards being fulfilled. I hope you see yourself as beautiful, I hope you never stop working on yourself, dressing well, smelling good , being well groomed. I hope that you’re always the best version of yourself. I love you so much, you’ve been through a lot. I know life is probably not perfect at the moment, but I hope you remember that you come from far. It’s okay. Breathe, you’re doing just fine...everything will be just fine. Tell Josh that you love him...tell him he’s always been the sweetest...that he’s always been smart . Assure him that his future is bright and make sure he never loses his light. Take care of your big brother T. He’s been through a lot and he probably feels alone...assure him that you’ll always be there. Give your mother the world- buy her that bed set she’s been eyeing...book her a trip to the spa...affirm her and thank her for everything- that will mean a lot to her. She’s the strongest woman in the world. Forgive your father, understand that he’s only human and let go of all the resentment. And lastly, never lose your light. You’ve always believed that life is beautiful and I hope you feel the same. Never stop dreaming ❤️