A letter from Aug 3rd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, So this is something I wrote to astha in the spur of emotions and I can't handle it so maybe I thought you can so.... Here... """You don't understand how I feel .... It's not easy for me to just pretend everything is okay... Even though I have been doing it for the past 4 years I'm not used to it... It feels like I'm always in a cage and nobody even bothers to see beyond my fake persona... They are happy when I act like a mindless robot just made to follow their command... They dint care about my emotions.. feelings... They didn't even think that I would pass out of my 10th class... My father "confirmed" 3 times that if I'm sure that im passed.... They don't have expectations... But they also don't want to be let down... They wanted a perfect all rounder daughter...who's super intelligent... Supper pretty... Supper nice .... And everything that the real me is not .... I don't know how they'll react when I tell them that I'm bisexual... I don't know maybe they'll kick me out .... They would hate me more.... I just want to disappear from their perfect world... I honestly think I ruined everything for my parents, my brother, my family, my cousins... And I'm such a sore looser.... They are just seeing my fake facade and they don't even know the real me and they will never see her i hope... Because I don't think they can handle it... She's not someone they'll accept.... And because of that I'm at such a dead end that I can't do anything but to cry all night alone... After pretending to be a happy go lucky girl all day long... It's tiring... I want to sleep one day and never wake up.. and I don't even know why I'm telling you this but you can just ignore it and block me .... I know you also don't want to be friends with someone who's like me... It even got to the point I started cutting and sometimes burning myself... Nobody notices... Nobody cares... If they saw then I would just say they are scratches from itching and they believed me... They don't see .... They never see what's wrong... And because of that I just want to go away and never come back.... I want to die... I'm so suicidal that there isn't a day I haven't thought about cutting my wrist open or jumping from my terrace... But you know what? I'll just pretend it's alright and it'll go away during day and I'll cry myself to sleep like always and nobody would care.... But that's okay... Since everyone will be happy without me."""