A letter from Jul 28th, 2021

Life such as it is now it sucks,I'm suffering and suffering,I'm apologizing to cosmos,every night though unaware of what I'm guilty of,I'll accept it accept it all. There is this girl in my class you wouldn't remember her, her name is Vidhi,but she's not important,what's important is who she reminds me off,I know you don't have the courage to move on from your first love,your weak you always have been,crying yourself to sleep every night off of guilt you don't even know about,why so harsh?? Everyday when I go to class for practicals she's there,and she reminds me of her 'The Woman'. How are you really...me?I'm not happy but I'm living because this stupid hope won't leave me,but I abandoned my instagram and deleted my snapchat...My day goes by attending classes playing valorant and reading webtoons,pretty **** right. Alright now an important question I want to ask you,have you made any friends???are 'they' still your friends(I know I am the one who thinks of them as 'my' friends)but still do you still consider them or did you abandon yourself,remember that sage told you to be careful in your friendship has anything happened? Do I still overthink? Are you still a masochist who loves to 'be' in pain??how much more have you suffered more,already buried Under the guilt of being unloved. Let me remind you child,the mere thought of her not being in my life scares my soul,I don't want her to go,but might my fears have heard me,I'll have to leave her,if only she knew-she felt what I did. You're still suffering aren't you,well that's not good but what can I say,if I am reading this letter in the future it does mean that I suffered everything that maybe after all this someone still believes that I deserve to live,what about your eyes?! How strong has the power grown.its around 9 right now. Just a moment:- {Dear wanderer who is here to read my letter,I greet you,may you be happy,if you ever need a shoulder come to me,I can't assure you happiness but I'll try,its the least I can do,for you now know of my past that I will not love to talk about in the future,nor do I like to talk about it now,but I'm afraid it's the truth,hence I will not lie.if you want to talk about anything no matter how stupid the idea I am here (my instagram account-the.prisoner_of_the.broken_ruler) Hopefully I'll help you.take care,I wish you a good life.} I chose this date for you to receive this letter to remind you,it's her birthday,****!how old is she-21 do you still talk to her if you don't please do,tell her,no...show her this letter,this message is for her- K.T, I'm sorry,for everything,today is day 3 or 4 since I talked to you,you don't even know how much it hurts how much I cried,you know,I have this girl in my class and whenever I look at her I see you,I swear upon my life it still hurts,all this suffering I put myself into,but what can I do,I just want you to be in my life,I want to see you smile and be there for you on your bad days,but I'm afraid that these wishes will not be granted,because you...you deserve so much better after all you have suffered,I'll never tell you this...I probably haven't even met you,have I? It's friendship day soon,I told you I bought gifts didn't I,but I'm afraid I didn't,I'm sorry so sorry,forgive me,but I just let guilt eat me up,I think I have been gone for too long,and it's just fair if you don't talk to me anymore,i don't know what to do,I told you didn't i-feelings are not good for someone like me,and also that I can't be happy,i mean just look at me!but know that I still love you even if it means as a friend I'd go to the ends of earth,please don't leave me....please! ...I don't want to cry anymore,so I'll end here,I take my leave you take care. ✌🏼 I'm sorry for everything. M.V