A letter from Jul 25th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, My boyfriend S was picked up just earlier by his parents. They're all heading back to a state that shall not be named now. Mom told me she thinks he's not grown up yet and implied that she doesn't approve of him, and especially his family. I was crushed. I spent an hour or two sobbing at my desk as I wrote in my diary. Why is there a constant pattern in my life where I make decisions that always end up being the wrong ones, even though they might not even be wrong? My decisions are usually never approved of by those around me or end up hurting them. I wish I was able to choose however I wanted without feeling the slightest bit of guilt and regret. I wish I could be authentically and unapologetically me. Mom and dad want me to go back to university in the fall. I don't want to. Even my therapist boldly said it'd be better for me if I didn't. But the thing is if I didn't go, they'd be utterly disappointed and blame me not wanting to go on my relationship. God forbid I have someone I love besides me, am I right? It'd be such a waste of money, I have no clue what I want to major in. I see people on social media post their struggles of finding a career in this day and age where employers ask so much of you. Not only do you need a college degree, they want you to have yesrs and YEARS of experience. And the catch is they ask of so much, yet barely pay you and treat you like ****. I don't want that to be me. I don't. I guess I'm here to ask you: what the **** is going on with you now? Are you and S still together? If so, have you finally moved out and have found peace being away from your family? If you guys aren't together, are you atleast well and happy? I really really hope things have looked up for you. I really hope you've made your mark on this world, no matter how small or insignificant you may consider it to be. After all, we have a nasty habit of undermining our successes and achievements. I love you. It's been really hard as of lately, especially now, I struggle to keep my head up. I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish I died in that car accident in February sometimes. Hope it's easier now for you in all aspects of life, whether it'd be family, relationships, careers, or schooling. All of it. Also I hope you got yourself a cat or dog, you deserve it. You deserve your own little furry companion. I'll end it here. Bye! ♡