A letter from Jul 18th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, The date is July 17th, 2021. My parents are fighting again. I am 20 years old; I am turning 21 next year. I thought all the fighting would stop by the time I am an adult, but it is just getting worse. I am sad because my father thinks he is a failure and blames God for giving him the life he has. I always knew my father disliked his life, but it was today that I found out that he hated it. What did we do wrong? We act like this because we fear him even though we love him so much. I also wish life were different, I wish he could get the help he needs, but I do not wish for another life. I am tired of all the arguing, but I know my mother is more. I admire her for her strength. She tries so hard to deal with him. But I know she is also scared. I cry because I am hurt. I am so depressed. I wish he knew how much the way he acted affected me deeply. I have been depressed for so many years and I even considered suicide. I'm sorry for being born. I ruined his life. I am sorry, dad, for the life God gave you. He thought you would love it, just the way I do. You think you are worthless, but you are not. You are the strongest person I ever met in my life, and I thank you for that. I would not change you for anything even though I fear you, I still love you. Your siblings are mean people and there is a reason God decided to separate them from you, you are not like them. I hope you know that we love you so much, I promise. Even though I do not say it that often, just like do not, you will always mean the world to me. You are also strong for going through all of this. And I know you love your dad. I know you looked for help. I love you...