A letter from Jul 2nd, 2021

Dear FutureMe, So how are you doing now? It's July 2nd, 2021. I'm sitting on the couch, relaxing under my favorite fluffy pink blanket, and Maisey is napping next to me. I need to start packing soon.. tomorrow we drive 14 hours back to Slidell for a week. I get to be there for both my Dad and Brady's birthday. But I haven't been feeling too great lately. I missed both of my mental health appointments. I'm so scared that they'll tell me to change medicines- I don't think I can handle that type of change right now. And I really don't want to talk about my past trauma. They tried to make me bring it up to myself every day to quell the anxiety... but it just pulls me back into MORE anxiety than ever before. I want things to get better. And I know that requires me going out and doing things and actively trying to MAKE myself better. But it's so hard. I hope you did it. I really hope that you pushed yourself and got at least a little bit better. I really hope that now you're happy and healthy and financially stable.. Because at this point I'm still in tremendous debt and I can barely force myself to get up out of bed in the morning.. Just to sit on the couch and mope all day. I hope this vacation slaps me out of it for at least a little bit. But anyways.. How are you now? How is Maisey and Trey? Did he end up switching branches or did he just choose a civilian job? Do you have a kid yet? I honestly hope not, as mean as that sounds. You need to wait until you're like 28 or something. Are you a nurse yet? Or are you working on your Bachelor's? Master's? Whatever you chose to do, please be proud of yourself. You need to be. It's taking me so much courage to start school again. It's so draining even thinking about it but I'm going to try my hardest to give you the future that we've dreamed of. You know the one; A nice house in Orlando, so we can spend our free time exploring downtown, and a nice nursing job, maybe part time so we can work on our degree, and hopefully we'll be in a good financial spot. I really hope things worked out. I hope you look back on this period of your life and think "I'm so much better off now, because I worked so hard then." I want you to be proud of me. I want you to be okay with the flaws you had to deal with in the past and all of the pain we went through. I want us to remember back on this time fondly, and not be disgusted. I just want you to be happy at whatever time you're reading this. If this ever even gets to you in the future. Maybe I'll make sure it does. And more than anything, I already love you. Because I know you'll be a better version of your past self. You've probably worked so hard for what you have now. At least I hope so. And no matter what happens, please remember to keep loving yourself and be proud of yourself. You've made it SO far. I love you. You need to remind yourself that every day. Look back on me with love too, please. 💕