A letter from Jun 29th, 2021

Peaceful right?

Hello! Today is 29th june, 2 a.m. You are now 22 years old, but your birthday is coming soon - whole **** 23 years old. Can’t even remember exact age right away. Hah, in 2023 you will be 25. Yesterday you finally came back home, Moscow, from 5-days trip, that emotionally seemed to last for several months. No joke - for 24 hours to be in five cities, three airpots, couple busses and jeep in mountains. You were at the end of earth, the Arctic region. Teriberka. And that is where you were terrified for the first time in your life - that he was going to hit you. He screamed and threatened you. It was hard to leave and you ran as fast as you can. And so you lost a friend. This spring you lost another friend, because you were not in the resource to support her problems. You were scared, how bad her situation was - since childhood. You found a therapist for her and chose yourself. And before all this, in the fall and winter, you were on antidepressants. It was also hard - so much hopeless loneliness, where you were for everyone free psychologist and bank-loan. Except yourself. In January you met a guy, in twitter and you accidentally met for real in June. It was good, but also there was a feeling like it was too early and your roads have not supposed to cross yet. But there was also a feeling, like everything is ahead. Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. Oh girl, few weeks ago you finished university and got scared, what will be now? You have been waiting for this freedom for so long and suddenly here it is. Dear sunshine, I hope by this time you will love yourself more. You will find a job and a city of your dreams. You will have healthy environment. And after two years of work experience you will find out, what life you want to lead. And what kind of master’s degree to choose. And everything will be okay.

Epilogue

2 days later

Hello! Today is 30th June, 8.52 p.m. You are now 24 and very very soon will be 25 years old. And it's been two very fucked up years. Congratulations, you...

Vsvruide mteh. Ferutu the psta em, meos i of m uerndt rrsyo tuo tapr woh boatu aelylr.
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Ogod na iocxt aleomnhd onoeianlsh-rtp,in uroy 'ncta arw esbaivu for ite)m twhi censeqs,ecnou fo wkounnn dna ,boj rcouytn a go / the a tnebewe you taomnu ton coidv ibt eivl erweh you nad( yvre. Ecsa trsera na no warnta-i and dcoerr an dvtaiisnreiamt. Ryuo aomtls dide erstrboh. Aspnl se`tmras ni no oetisrrrt usctk a ettas, deegre nrea in oyu and. Rouy nda lnyo gnaaddr of adteh oen a the elosc inrefd lifmay dna. Ysrergu yuo dah atedsryye and ,ho. A ahwt jkoe. .
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Ddi stl'e oogd ocsiamlhpc yuo het ssehtvnrleee btu gnsiht sufco on y,eh. Hits kcuf het ot elvo eahv it erenadl lyesufor dan yralel vwheater swa oyu dneed. Osdtepp masbasdreer your gbnie ngeirha rpoo ouy uaobt. In dna sleak ouy aakkrol het bene hte ehav miaenra ,taila ngdakraiinl hdkei nda ni. Uyo emt pleepo a otl good of. Ti danexepd aiuefltub orme, mhow (whree nda uyo elefs ofwlednur vene liacos rcgeni ooso uoy yuor a you hwit gtohtere nda clreci dna emt m)aganiz nyeodrfib. Tog eincels lrylea uyro iecn sivr'dre dan a dufon bjo ouy. Ayp a htwa yuo tath ear anrniikua to taerdst eboref dan this uyo - yuo hatt teoitnnat yasign awy t’didn iyflaln sahem. Olsa neod yrou ot orf el(lw aenlr ttrnagsi dna eaanuglg avneit egrek).
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Whis ouy and inmare auosugceor dkin ot aedutvnsre i dan. Hike liwl cuapharet in or go ujpm thta uyo byeam lpaen wtih on. Trne dan revatl uyo iwll ebamy atuumn nslamboiotii aslt undora like a efebor ouy ntzrygksya car uiatnksez,b antewd dan. Ensdrif wno in yuo ahve goirgae dna amriaen. And alfymi ot fwe uk be to a eth ni eth asu liwl yuo niovtistian abel syaer eevreic. The ouhey,flpl dan ua. Ot fi oyu istcihepniz liwl hvea siybstipoli teh nnoud intabo. Tub smto hey, eht eb einesg wlli oyur vlode soepruci higtn eson. Indf ruoy oyu odmfeer emes tmso niren adn ,artopytlimn ot haev. On of wlrod aeddmn tretam tasloiino dna uyo dfin on in iongg ndik no eattmr this wtha lufeysor ahws’t.
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Okya tgihyrevne nda llwi eb.
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P. S. Msistmeeo uyo isllt uyg tath spkae twhi. Eivleeb remaidr aery otg ton'w a rdciove he last lyaedar it, oyu dna si tgtinge.

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