A letter from Jun 28th, 2021

Dear Future Me, So I'm sitting right now feeling totally empty not because I'm sad or anything, it's just that I don't really have anything to do these days, it's summer break of my 3rd year of university before the summer semester, and I have no idea what I want to do or what I need to be doing, so I thought of writing because it helps, and I wanted to tell my future self about what's happening at the moment, because I remember writing to myself like a couple of years a go and the message will reach me in idk maybe a couple of years or even more, and I remember writing about a specific guy that I liked or even loved, and well ... flash news he turned out to not like me back even though he did show the opposite and I'm sorry for me because I wasted a lot of time and energy on him, long story short I confessed and he ignored the confession, I'm pretty sure you remember that because it hurt you a lot back then, and I'm happy for one thing, I didn't ask him to love me back or to try or whatever I wanted him to do back then, I just silently accepted it and remained friends with him, and I'm happy I confessed because it showed me his true colors and all, and now we're still friends and I told Heba about him a couple of days a go and she advised me to not talk to him anymore or at least stay at a really shallow friendship with him, and I'm doing that and I even feel better because of it, and I hope to be even better in the upcoming days. Back to what I'm doing right now, it's 6:47 AM and I feel like I lost all what I wanted to do for myself and I lost my future vision, I mean Idk what I want anymore from my future self and it's a terrible feeling, not having a goal, or anything at all but at the same time I want to be a lot of things but like they're not organized so I feel like they're just hallucinations for some reason, I sleep in the morning and I wake up at night time, I don't spend much time with my family and I don't talk to any of my friends and I feel like the lockdown made me even more introverted than I ever was before, I don't want to go out or to see any of my university friends or anything, I just want to stay home and work on myself, and I need to actually do it. So I want to actually collect myself right now, because I don't feel like it and I'm not gonna feel like doing so for a very long time, so I'm pushing myself, I just found a video on YouTube called "How to design your life" and I'm gonna watch it after finishing this and idk do whatever I need to do, I hope and pray god so this could be the day I change and feel satisfied about myself. About life in general right now, Diala is in the process of getting her master degree she's a first year student now, Yazeed finished his 10th grade year and now becoming a Highschool student, Mom is working on her online Facebook page, YouTube channel, online classes and offline, she even got a part time job teaching in a couple schools, she's feeling pretty successful and she's really happy and all of us are happy for her too, Dad isn't teaching at a university right now and he got back to his daily job again and I think he wants something different and I really hope he finds another teaching job, for the rest of the people, ala'a has a boyfriend and they're planning on getting engaged in august hopefully also she just got her bachelors degree, afnan and razan both are about to finish second year of university, they're studying cyber security, ahmad is a tawjihi student now and hamoud is an 8th grader now, as for Heba, she's also about to finish her second year of university, she's studying translation (or idk what it's called), and I think that's it about my people. Recently I have been feeling pretty lonely and lazy, I have been praying god to bless me with a great person who could be with me in my "Becoming a better version of myself" journey, someone who could motivate me and be happy for me and all, I really need that, it's been a year and something since I knew that the guy that I liked didn't like me back, and thankfully he's out of my head now, and I really need a good and honest company right now, I hope that ,whoever god will send me, won't take long to show up because I'd love it right now, and I feel like I'm emotionally available so I think it's time, hopefully. All right, that's all I had in mind, I hope whenever this reaches you that you'll be better both mentally and emotionally, and that you'll have better people around, people who love you, care for you, that you matter to them, I hope you'll be happy and I hope I can read this later and be like " Yay I made it, Thank god" I love you, and I know I deserve the world so I'm gonna try to get what I deserve, five years from now everything will be great I promise myself.