A letter from Jun 20th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hi Hannah! I hope you had a great 27th birthday and that the years have been kind to us. Honestly 27 seems like such an old age and to my 22 year old brain it seems like a lifetime away. I’ll be real with you my expectations of us by 27 are pretty high but I’ll get to that later. This year has been insane truly insane. As I’m writing this you are nursing a sunburn that we’ve got doing the memorial walk for Rach. That alone speaks to how unpredictable and hard this year has been. I never in a million years would have thought that she would have died. Funny how uncertain life can be. It’s honestly really impacted my life far more than I ever could have imagined. Rach left a much bigger hole than I could have ever thought, she was just always a constant in my life and I always thought she would remain a constant in my life. Another unpleasant side effect of her passing is that its knocked my confidence in applying for jobs now -for some strange reason. I’m petrified about applying for jobs I’ve been putting it off and off and making excuses so I really need to buck up and just do it. Covid is still a nightmare and lasting much longer than anyone really thought. I’m hoping that by the time you’re reading this Covid seems like a lifetime ago or it’s at-least a small part of life instead of this big looming danger. Currently I’m on placement in St Joseph’s and really truly loving it! Chris is an angel and I could not have asked for better, I wish you could write me back and let me know do I ever work there because at the minute I’d really love to. Jessica’s just had her communion not too long ago she was beautiful and it was nice to have all the family and the two grannies there. Just felt really special. She is as sassy as ever and still my little sidekick. It’s also Fathers Day today, it’s been a good year for daddy he worked security in Lidl at night and day and he’s just started a new job in Student Roost. He seems to like it I’m really hoping it becomes something long term so he can get away from all the sectarianism for a while. He’s also really glad to have me home after being away for a year. Mums had a good year too she hasn’t had to work so much because daddy's been working and picking up some slack so she’s had basically every weekend off giving her more time for the kids and things she likes. She’s also currently very into her walking which I think is gonna be a real turning point for her- or at least that’s what I’m hoping it will be because it makes her happy and does wonders for her confidence. Grace’s year has been hard the 2nd lockdown was very hard for her and her mental health took a real dip, but it got much better when she got to go back to school and she seems to have made loads of new friends which is amazing. She’s also cut her hair SO short which I hated at first but it gives her confidence which is never a bad thing I guess. I’m excited for her next year because hopefully she will get a full year with no lockdowns and get the full experience of school. She’s been having some attitude problems but I think that’s just the age thing and hopefully just a phase because it’s annoying the life out of mum- suppose that’s what she gets for round 2! She’s still a very funny child and incredibly observant she knows when someone’s upset and always aims to help. A great kid if I don’t say so myself. Lauren and Charlene are still doing pretty good they’ve had some ups and downs this year but on the whole I think they’re pretty solid. Currently they’ve become gamers and are streaming on Twitch they’ve created an LGBTQ+ discord to meet people to play with which is great. I’m finding Lauren slightly more manageable as the years go by and by that I mean I can enjoy her company in small chunks of time, so long as she’s not picking on Grace. I really hope that as you’re reading this you’re laughing about all the new memories you have with them since I’ve written this letter. Now onto Mia. I’m hoping and praying that she’s still in our lives because honestly I can’t imagine mine without her. She can be dramatic and a handful but she’s a great friend and I love her to *****. She’s been a nomad this year just moving from pillar to post so hopefully she settles down and gets her own place soon. Her mental health hasn’t been the greatest so I’m praying that’s all much better for her in the future. She’s just started a new job at Stenaline and it’s her first big girl job with an office and a proper wage I hope it sets her on a good path. She’s been my rock this year throughout Carlisle and losing Rachael she’s an angel. So yeah the second half of 2020 and the first half of 2021 have been insane. I really enjoyed the second half of 2020. Carlisle was great and I made amazing memories it showed me I’m much more independent and stronger than I give myself credit for. I loved exploring a new city, it was a bit of a bummer that I never saw it at its best due to Covid and things being closed all the time, but it was brilliant all the same. I had a great summer just spending time with the kids and Mia. The first half of 2021 has been difficult with the loss of Rachael but I’m holding out hope that the second half will be better. Now I’ve got some questions for you that I want you to answer. 1. First of all how’s your mental health are you looking after yourself not as anxious? 2. How’s your physical health are you still pooping your brains out? Also how’s the weight did you manage to get it off? 3. How are the family? Five years is a long time so I’ll assume by this point their have been some loses and gains, so how are they doing? 4. Are you still best friends with Maria? She’s a pain in the *** but she’s our pain in the ***! 5. Where are you working? Have you travelled at all? 6. Are you in a relationship? Have you had a relationship (******* hope so). 7. Have you started to settle down? Bought a house? Engaged/Married? Had a kid? (The thought of any of this happening right now is terrifying btw) 8. Do you feel fulfilled? Are you content with your life now? Are you doing what your heart wants to do? 9. Are you still a fan fiction addict? Currently we’ve been re-reading the doctor who ficus on fan fiction.net and the ********* and Cinnamon series on Wattpad. 10. Are you happy? Life will never be perfect and it will never be easy and there will always be something to moan about, but answer me honestly are we happy and if we aren’t then please PLEASE take matters into your hand to change it. All in all my hope for you is that you’ve enjoyed your life and you are feeling happy in what your doing and feel you’ve made some amazing memories. I’m hoping you’ve learned to love the skin your in and feel confident and beautiful all the time. We are an incredibly strong person so please always remember that and carry that strength with you. I guess that’s all I have to say right now. All my love to the future me, 22 year old Hannah.