A letter from Jun 14th, 2021

Dear Hilzen, Hi loveeee! Miss me?😂 para akong praning eih noh?😂 Dapat matagal ko na tong nadiscover ayt. Pero it's not to late kayaaaaaa....BE READY WITH MY OVERFLOWING ONLINE and PERSONALLY GIVEN LETTERS. Nagtataka ka siguro bakit di ako nauubusan ng sasabihin at pagkahaba haba ng mga tinatype ko. Nasa utak nastock lahat🤦🏻‍♀️😂You have a lot of stories to tell even before and I remember that all. Nung muntik ka nang mapaaway noon don sa epal na paa na yun, pati sa grade 10 na mga grupo na ang yayabang sa kiddie dahil lang sa titig mo daw, nung naisubsob ka at nalasahan mo yung tae ng manok, nung time na napilayan ka, mga bagay na gusto at ayaw mo, pati yung regrets mo sa binasted mong mga babae and heartbreaks sa mga ex MUs' mo, nung naglalabas ka ng lungkot at sama ng loob, ng galit, ng inis at iba't-iba pang kwento mo sa akin. At nawitness ko yung buong pagkatao mo. The different side of you. That you're more than what other's see you physically. And I didn't expect that you're going to trust me so much. Natuwa ako sobra. Pero sa kabilang banda, naging unfair din ako sayo. I am not sharing every details like you as in every pieces. We have similarities and at the same time, differences sa isa't-isa. Kasi, sa sobrang dami ng nasa isip ko pag inexpress ko na, sobrang kumplikado. Kaya namimisunderstood. And ang tendency, I am pushing those people who loves me palayo. Even my parents, my friends, hindi nila alam na may ganito akong dina******. Yung nga shineshare ko lang sa kanila, that's only a few. Because mas higit sayo at kay God. Remember that time na sinabi ko sayo noon na "I am not sharing kasi ayaw kong maging pabigat sayo." And you really got mad at me. I know how invalid that reason is but thank you for approaching me. I am so thankful to you dahil sa wakas, there's this special someone na nakita yung side ko na yun at naglakas-loob na kialalanin at magstay saakin. Thank you ng sobra kasi natutunan kong subukan. Yes, I am doing it paunti unti. I'm trying to fighting these stuffs and utter it sa paraang madaling maintindihan pero whenever we had fights about it and tinatanong mo ako kung may gusto pa akong sabihin, namemental block ako dahil ung emotions ko na ang nangunguna. Whenever I wanted to talk it out, busy ka or may gagawin ka na and naiintindihan ko naman yun. Kaya I am finding and waiting for that good timing to say it. Kasi ilang beses tayong nag aaway because of that unexplainable thoughts I have in mind. Na dahil sa sobrang dami, nagkakandagulo pag itatype ko na. I have anxiety. Ang hirap pala ng may mental problem. To the point na nahihirapan ako makatulog bigla nalang magbebreakdown tapos di ko alam sa sarili ko anong pinakamainpoint non. Kaya sa ganito ko idinadaan lahat ng nasa utak ko. Sobrang tagal diba? Sa letters gaya nito. Yung tipo na kinakailangan ng pagkahaba-habang oras para isa-isahin yung gusto kong iopen up. Super slow ko and I hate that thing about me. But I want you to know that I am on the process of changing it. It's just that napakahaba ng proseso para saakin. And I am sincerely apologizing for delaying such things until it will totally sink in. Love, be patient to me ha? Wag kang magsawa na pakinggan lahat ng nasa saloobin ko. Pasensya na talaga love kasi ang hirap kong intindihin na tao. I swear to you I am trying and doing my best to be more easy to understand. I want to become better. I want to become the best girlfriend and that unique woman you've ever love and met in your life. Take care of yourself my future Engineer. Stay healthy and good. I MISS YOU and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH😘