A letter from Jun 10th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, I'm 13, you should be 18. I was going to use the given graphic organizer to organize this letter, but we both know I'm no where near 'organized'. I guess to be polite I have to ask, how are you? I always get that, but I can tell by the tone of the asker what formulated answer I need to give. If they're just doing it to be polite, such as I was ("soooo, how are you"), the answer is "I'm doing well" or I'm good". I nod while saying it, there is usually a nod from the other party as well. I'm always trying to read people, analyze them. I guess I just want to know what I am up against. It's either to seem superior over them, or I just want to know them. It's both. But mostly the first. Do you still do that? I feel weird saying "you", as in second person, when I'm going to be the one reading it. But I guess cause it's going to be "future me", and not necessarily the 'me' who's writing this. We do change a lot. The body replaces itself with a largely new set of cells every seven to ten years. So technically we have a whole new body lol. I've always wanted that. "A whole new body." Why? Yes, God made me perfect and in his glorious image, but isn't there a chance I ruined it a long the way. Plastic Surgery is so accepted nowadays. "You don't like something about your body, change it to fit society's standards. All it takes is a few thousand dollars." I don't even think I'm mad about people wanting to fit into society's standards, of course I'm weary about it because society's standards change.... well, weekly to be honest, but as Thanos said, "as long as someone remembers what it's like, they'll always be resistance.", and I think that's why old idea's are still implemented into our life's; but we're wired to care what people think. It's human nature. We do everything because of other people. Even when we go through our "rebel, I don't care" phase, we're doing it because we want to go against another person's authority. We're always doing something because of someone, even if we don't want to admit it. I've always found it funny that when someone say's they hate someone, they'll spend all their time to do something because of them. For example, they'll switch walkways just because of them, spend their entire time talking bad about them, and will even come up with an elaborate plan to terrorize them. Don't hold hate. God told us this, but we still seem to do it. Funny how we won't listen to the omniscient being, and then expect to still be doing the right thing. And it all goes back to the idea of a "whole new body". The only thing that matters is being healthy. I'm not going to sit here and lie to myself, saying "being fat can be healthy", I know it's not. Although controversial, it's true. Too much visceral fat is in no way healthy. But I get that the term "fat" is a misused-derogatory synecdoche. Exercising and eating healthy is a natural way to lose weight and become healthier, not to mention the high you get from exercise; not changing any thing God gave you, as he controls nature (the natural). As much as I try to tell my self It's only about health, it's also about fitting in. But I'm fine with that. I don't see the problem unless you're hurting yourself, or doing something you don't want just because "society says so". Do you still do that? Try to convince yourself of something even though you don't believe, as though to not seem weak? It's funny cause that kind of conversation only goes on in my head, so who I am trying to please? I'm kind of hoping you can answer that. I can analyze other people in a second, but it takes a few years to come to a theory about myself. You should be reading this in 5 years, you have an answer yet? No pressure. Do you still have all A's on your report card? Do you still cry when you get anything under an A on an assignment? Took me a few years, but I realized no one ever put that pressure on you. It was just you wanting to be good at something, and be better at it than any one else. You also liked the validation that it got you from teachers and family. So when the A's became the norm and source of your happiness and identity as "the smart one", the alternative (anything other than an A) became the rarity and source of your despair and confusion. So, for added dramedy I ask, is your identity still in your academic success? You're only identity should be in Christ. Depending on how your faith is while reading this letter you will either read in amazement of how faithful you were and are glad you're still like that or better, or you'll scoff and call your younger self naïve for believing in such a thing and you'll either want to skip this part of the letter or read just to laugh at it, but either way I want you to read it with a sound, open mind. I have tried so hard to fit into a specific label and play that part, I'm sure you remember (or you've blocked it out cause you don't want to remember). A good example is being the "smart one with good grades". But all of that was about human validation, and what does that really get you. Humans change. Their standards change, their intentions change, their hearts change. But God, He's unchanging. His whole plan is to save us. And it's funny (sad, but funny) that He's saving us from ourselves. Or rather, the part of us that we try to hold onto even though it's hurting us. So when I say my only identity is in Christ, the labels and the acting are rendered useless, and I know that I can be the me God created me to be by following his Word, and that's all that matters. So, for sincerity and hope that you still know God is the only one who's been looking out for you from even before you were born I ask, is your identity in Christ? Have you learned how to be alone yet? I was starting to figure it out for a while, but then I fell back into old habits. Old habits die hard. If you've stopped writing everyday, restart. It's good for your brain. But also I've found it helps release untamed thoughts in your head (clearing your head). I know it's hard sometimes but, get up, take a shower, brush your teeth, wash your face, make your bed, clean your room, walk around the town, and go on a run. You're going to wish you did all those things while it was still physically 'easy'. I learned that from older, wiser, woman. Not necessary talking to them, but by examining their struggle to do daily tasks. I find myself always thanking God for the things that I have that other's don't. Always thank God for what you have, it could be worse. Which high school did you end up picking? I'm still deciding between three. I know one's only because I want to be with friends, so I'm going to omit that as a choice. What college are you going to? Do you still want to go to a bs/md program? Do you still want to be a doctor? Sorry for bombarding you with questions. If you're still anything like me you're going to dissect the questions piece-by-piece and answer each individually. I have Faith you'll do so. I was thinking about shooting low so you wouldn't be disappointed if you didn't get into these schools, but if you aim low you'll only go low. I've planned to go to Harvard since we were 6. It wasn't just that it was a prestigious school and it would make me feel superior over others (although it was partly that), I liked the setting, and learning environment and could imagine myself there. I'm thinking about Brown now. Their Bs/md pathway seems like the right fit for me. I mostly like that they give you freedom over your education, but still have structured pathways. I hope by the time I get there they still have that. Also with getting into the bs/md program I'm almost guaranteed a spot in their partner medical school (with a certain grade-point average), but it still requires hard. How's your work ethic? I've always struggled with the motivation and commitment to actually do something. Have you figured that out? I pray for you every night. But when you think about it, it's a little self-centered lol. Quite literally. I have high hopes for you, kid. But I know that in order to help you, I have to start now.