A letter from Jun 7th, 2021

Dear FutureMe, Hey. How are you? I don’t know when exactly I wrote my last letters on this website, like maybe a year ago. We where still in quarantine. Gosh. Is it weird to say I kinda wanna go back? I just I miss the feeling, the first months where these dark green months, where I listened to Clairo and Wallows. I would watch ‘All The Bright Places’, ‘The Half of It’, ‘Stargirl’ and ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’, like on repeat. I remember doing this thing when I was with my dad during those couple months. I would stay up till like 2-3am and just sit by my window, listening to ‘Heroes’ by David Bowie and ‘Tugboat’ by Galaxie 500. Can you tell I watched ‘The Perks of Being a Wallflower’ a lot? It would just make me feel alive. I would dream of going to New York one day, watching some Broadway show and hopefully playing in one a couple of years later. Funny how dreams change. How your future can change. I just to have this big view of my future and how amazing it would be, now I can’t even see myself living past this summer. But you’ll know what it’ll look like. Right? My future. I mean you’re living in it. Or maybe this email will arrive in my mailbox. When I’m already dead. Not at the moment I’m actually dying. But at the moment my mom and dad would’ve probably have closure. They would’ve stopped crying by then. My room would be just the same or some weird gym. Maybe? I don’t know that’s what you see in the movies. My brother and sister would’ve moved out by then, maybe even have a baby, although that would’ve been too early. My friends would think about me occasionally. They would still sometimes talk about me. In utter silence. My name will be on one of those posters that talks about suicide prevention. I’ll just be a name on a poster. When I was scrolling on the homepage of this website thingy. I saw all these positive things. Like, ‘Did you and blank kiss?’ or ‘Are you learning Spanish?’, like why are they all positive? I’m not saying they shouldn’t be. Just a little representation would be nice. I’m flunking school, and I am mentally not in the best place right now. Maybe I could just go away, like Holden, like in that book ‘The Catcher in The Rye’. I’ll smoke a **** ton of cigarettes and go to the city. Sound kinda nice.