Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Saan nga ba? 11:36 pm, and I'm writing this to myself for me to read this after 5 years. My little sister having a video call with her girlfriend, while I'm currently watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, para lang hindi marinig yung ka-cornyhan nila. Pinaplano ko pang matulog sa harap ng computer ni Ate Camille para makapasok ako sa klase ko bukas. Wala akong self-control. Wala na akong modo. Kakatapos ko lang basahin ang They Both Die In The End ni A*** Silvera, hindi ako naiyak. I'm just pissed kasi hindi ko nalaman kung paano nagawa yung *****-cast na 'yon. Inexpect ko pa man din na isang malaking scam yung *****-Cast ta's gusto lang nila pumatay ng tao kasi overpopulated yung mundo, pero in a way kung saan mauuto nila yung mga tao na wala silang kinalaman doon. Pero hindi. Whatever, nag-rant na naman ako sa takbo ng gabi ko. Maybe I'm doing this, because I don't want to forget what I am five years after I send this. So, where am I right now, future Andrea? Not dead I hope. Noong tinanong ko 'to sa sarili ko wala akong maisip na sagot. Pota, asa'n ba ako pagtapos ng limang taon? Sabi sa tiktok na napanood ko, makukuha mo yung sagot mo sa lagay mo ngayon. Kung anong nasa utak mo, anong nasa paligid mo, anong kinakain mo, etc. and I think it's ********. In 5 years, maraming pwedeng mangyari. Maraming pwedeng mawala, magbago, bumalik, masira o mabuo. Or maybe I think that it's ******** because everything around me, and everything about me right now is so ****** up. And if I'm gullible enough to believe that stupid tiktok, I would be 10x more depressed. God, I don't believe it. But still, I can't help but thinking... Currently I have so many pending assignments, late, and so many ******* absences in online class. May research group na ako sa pr1, but still hindi ko pa rin alam kung ano ibig sabihin nung pinapagawa sa akin. I thought I was smart, but ****, can you be smart when everything's ****** up in my mind? I already addressed my issues, reflected upon it, and want to control it. But ****'s hard, man. I'm overthinking.. what if I never change? And if I did change, will I be someone I want to be or someone I wouldn't wanna be? Back then, if I was asked this ****, I'd answer assertively. Nawala 'yung energy and motivation ko dahil sa putanginang pandemic na 'to. I should stop blaming everything except myself. I hate it more than anyone would. What would I be after 5 years? I would love to say, someone who's not living with her parents anymore. Maybe I'm already fit, I wanna live healthy. Maybe I have a part-time job I love kasabay ng pag-aaral ko ng Law. I mean, nagla-law kaya ako??? bruh, it's not too late to quit yo. What am I majoring? I thought of it and maybe I'll take Communications. Even if I'm bad at it. I don't know, maybe after 5 years I'm not in college. Maybe I'm pregnant, maybe I'll be married soon. God, I hope not. Maybe I'm dead. If I was. That'd be sad. Sino kayang nagbabasa nito ngayon? It'd be funny if it's someone I don't know. Sige na nga, ipu-publish ko 'to anonymously. Five years left to live. Sana maalala pa ako ng mga mahal ko sa buhay. Sana wala akong pinagsisisihan kung namatay man ako. Sana ihalo sa semento yung abo ko, tapos gawing artificial coral, sa Ilijan. Sa tambayan ko. Sa Tawil. Para maging sirena ako. Charot. After 5 years, I hope I leave a mark. I want to be remembered. That's where I wanna be after 5 years.